“Do you mean to tell me that you were actually hoping to die in there?”
“What did you think I was doing?”
“How stupid of me. I thought you were beingyouand doing something dangerous for the sake of sending a fucking message! I thought you were stuck or scared or anything other than trying to kill yourself!”
I reared back, oddly scared of his wrath.
“Do you understand what it’s like to have people continuously die just for their proximity to you?” I was trying to stay calm, but it was hard when his fury seemed to stoke mine. He opened his mouth, but I immediately cut him off. “Let me rephrase. How would you feel if Caleb, Priya, and Quinn all died because of you? How would you feel if we hadn’t gotten them out of there and they were murdered in cold blood to send you a message?”
For a few seconds, he said nothing. He only thinned his lips into a line and looked at me. When he finally did respond, it wasn’t with the anger I had braced for.
“I’m so sorry for all you’ve lost. I can’t imagine what it must be like to suffer so much and still be expected to go on. Selfishly,I’m still going to ask you tostay.Stay with me. Be with me. Choose life. Becauseyou’rethe thing I can’t live without.”
“We’ve already talked about this.”
“No, you’ve talked about why you can’t, but not why you don’t want to. I think that’s because youdowant to. And why, when the world is falling apart around us, can’t you choose what you want for once? You were willing todie,why are you still unwilling to love me?”
“That’s not what I said!” Stars he was being so unfair. So impossible.
Azazel threw up his hands, letting his head fall back for a moment. “Then what did you say? Because I’m getting pretty damn tired of younotsaying what you mean! Just for once, give me a real, honest answer!”
“You want the truth? You want me to admit it? Fine! I love you, Azazel! Stars, are you happy now?”
“Yes, actually! I am!”
And then he grabbed my face and pulled me into him, kissing me with bruising pressure. It hurt in the most perfect way. His lips were chapped and his skin where I touched was hidden away behind wrapping, but I still reveled in the feel of him.
“Stay with me,” he mumbled against my lips. “Don’t leave me. Don’t run or hide. Be here with me. Fight with me. Cook, clean, argue, laugh, and dance with me. We can have this, Nova.”
Could we? Could I keep going knowing I was killing everyone I cared about? Could I be that selfish?
“Everyone I love dies,” I whispered. “I kill them.”
He shook his head, his face scrunching. “No, Nova. That’s not true.Youdon’t kill them. Even if you did, I’d die a thousand times over if it meant I got to be with you. Stay, please.” He kissed me softly, pulling away immediately after. “Stay.” Again, he kissed me and leaned away. “Please stay.”
Tears were streaming down my face now, the sound of his hoarse pleas making my chest burn and my heart race.
“Change Dajahim with me. Let’s make a better place where we can be happy. Together, we can create a world that would’ve been worthy of your mother. Of everyone who died wishing for something greater. Stay with me, Little Void.”
Conviction gone, I nodded, pressing my mouth into his. Instantly, he wrapped his arms around me. Everything hurt, and yet pleasure circulated through my body. My face was soaked in tears, bandages rubbing against barely healed skin. All around us was so much pain, but in his arms my heart steadily filled with love.
A different love than what I’d felt with my family. One built on slow nights and quick mornings. On burnt pancakes and chasing cats. One with a dark past and an unknown future. A love that scared me.
“Say it again,” Az moaned into my mouth, our teeth clicking. He yanked me onto his lap, both of us hissing in pain. I felt his cock grow beneath me,againstme, and I concluded that we were either desperately in love or potential masochists.
Smiling, I said, “I love you, Az.”
“I love you so much, Nova.” He brought our lips back together, his fingers sliding down my stomach and between my legs.
Too eager to wait, I gripped his cock and plummeted down onto it. His fingers stuttered on my clit, his head falling back against the wooden headboard. Stars, he just felt sogood.
Perfect. That was how we fit—perfectly.Just as he’d said.
I grabbed the headboard on either side of his face, holding tightly as I rose, slamming back down onto him. He moaned loudly, lifting his face to stare at me.
“I was going to take it slow. We’re both recovering, you know.” Though his words were scolding, his bright smile and dark eyes told me he was exactly where he wanted to be.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked teasingly, lifting again. I hovered there, seeing how long he’d take to budge.
