Nova
“Mama sat Celeste and I down today and said that Dad might not live. I’m so scared.”
-From the journal of Nova Tershetta, 9241 AS
Otarn immediately collapsed to her knees upon arriving at the cottage, hunching forward and ripping off her mask as she began to sob. Caleb let his mask fall to the ground as he knelt and grabbed her shoulders, tucking her head into his chest. Elders pulled his mask off slowly, laughing hysterically as he did.
Zura ran at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. “We did it. I can’t believe we did it.”
Hugging her back, I soaked in her words, willing myself to feel the same joy they did.
Instead, I closed my eyes and watched Elite Bargain’s head get split in half. I pictured her brain sagging out of her skull, parts liquefied and mingling with blood where it pooled on the grass. I felt her single eye watching me. Condemning me.
“Where are we? Is this where you’ve been hiding?” she asked as she pulled away, wiping her tear-filled eyes.
“I’ll explain everything. Let’s just get everyone cleaned up and fed first,” Az said, turning to smile my way.
I was the last one with my mask on. For some reason, I couldn’t will myself to take it off. It felt like the only thing holding me together. If I removed it, perhaps I’d unravel. Maybe it was my puppet strings, and if I cut it I’d collapse back into nothing.
“I better go get Desi. I’ll be right back,” I said. Az’s brows knitted together. I wondered if he knew. If he understood what we were in that moment. Or if it even bothered him at all that everywhere we went, death followed.
I turned and walked out the door, the sound of their happy words and thankful cries fading as I summoned my shadows. The snow-painted mountain and rushing sea faded to the view of grassy fields, the rebel base not too far. I took my time walking, fighting off the visions of everyone I loved dying. Of everything that I touched falling apart. I used to think the world was like a chess board, where each of us were only pawns. But I wasn’t a pawn. I was a knight. A rook. A death sentence.
“Nova? Is that you?” My head snapped up, a clear view of the rebel base in front of me. Apparently, I’d crossed the wards without realizing. I turned my head, seeing Commander Maitoza where she stood just off to my left. “Are you okay? What are you doing here? Why are you wearing that mask?”
“Just looking for Desi. Do you know where she is?” I asked, feeling my body begin to shake. I was breaking, snapping, cracking.
The commander walked towards me, her head cocked to the side and her nose scrunched as her eyes scanned my mask. “She’s running a healing workshop.”
“Oh, okay. Will you tell her that I need her at the cottage when she’s done?”
“Of course.”
For a few heartbeats, I only stood there, my head aching and my chest burning. I thought of Celeste. What would she do?How would she push forward? She was so much better than me. Always making the right choices.
Fuck, I miss her.
“Commander?”
“Yes?”
I tilted my head, wrapping my arms around myself. “What did you think of my sister?”
If my question surprised her, she didn’t show it. She wore her uniform, looking as pristine as ever, her face unreadable. “I thought she was a uniquely loyal and determined person. She didn’t fight for the same selfish reasons as others. Her first thought was of the greater good. Of all my rebels, she was the most dedicated to the cause by far. She understood exactly how I felt.”
“Sounds like her,” I whispered, my heart racing in my chest. Something in me was snapping. Maybe my sanity?
Commander Maitoza pinched her brows together, taking a step closer to me. “She loved you very much, Nova.”
Violently, I shook my head, as if I could free the words from my mind. I didn’t deserve that kindness. “She hated who I’d become. She died loathing me because she knew exactly what I was.”
“And what are you?”
“Death.”
The commander pursed her lips, nodding slowly. “Magic is a poison. It taints you. Corrupts you. That’s not your fault. It’s a symptom of the illness.”
Stars, she sounded like Jonah. Like Celeste. Likeme.We were better off without magic.
