“No, actually,” Jake tells her but jerks his head at me.
I raise my hands in defeat. “I’m sorry, sworn to secrecy.”
“Honey, can you go and find Daddy please? He was looking for you too.” The little girl runs into the crowd and her mum turns to me with narrowed eyes. “We bought three presents because we didn’t know which one she wanted, we figured she’d say something before tomorrow so we could choose one and return the other two. Are you going to tell me or am I picking at random?”
I make a show of thinking, tilting my head from side to side and pouting my lips. “That depends, if I don’t tell you, does she get all three?”
She tries to stare me down but starts smiling. “No.”
“Just, uh, give her somespace. You’ll figure it out.”
Her eyes widen in excitement and her mouth drops open. “Thank you!” She scurries off and Jake and I fist bump.
“I have ten minutes and then I get to be Jake again. You gonna tell me what’s going on with you and Lis?”
I sigh, keeping my eyes forward rather than looking at him. “We were going through a little slump—”
“A sex slump?”
“Anintimacyslump. I thought she just didn’t feel like being…intimate, so I didn’t push it. Then a few weeks ago, I walked in on her listening to a romance audiobook. Like, a really spicy one. And she was getting a little worked up.” I clear my throat and hope he gets it without any further explanation.
Jake looks at me between narrowed eyes like he’s trying to figure something out. “How spicy we talking?”
I smirk. “Allgood girlsand prettysee-you-next-Tuesdays.”
Jake snorts. “Oh, I get you. Nel loves a good girl.”
My smile fades and I shiver at that, turning slowly to face Jake with a mixture of disgust and rage. “What the fuck?”
“Dude!” Jake stares at me in horrified surprise. “I am so sorry. I genuinely, momentarily forgot my fiancé is your sister.”
“You have just ruined a perfectly good bedroom tool.”
“Man, I’m sorry.” But I’m not all convinced; his laughter betrays him.
“Seriously, what am I meant to say now in the heat of the moment? That was my go-to.”
“Uh, you know—”
“If you’re about to start that thought with ‘Nel also likes,’I will punch you in your Santa beard.”
“Shutting up now.” Despite myself, I smile at his dorkiness. “Anyway, you walked in on Lisa with a porn book.”
“Audiobook,” I correct even though it doesn’t really matter. “So, I thought she obviously wanted the intimacy, but she didn’t want it with me, that’s when I assumed she must be mad at me.”
“Okay,” he says slowly. “I think I see the logic.”
“Turns out she’s just been feeling a little off since Mary came along and took my not initiating…intimacy as disinterest.”
“Ah.” Jake nods slowly in understanding. “So now that you’ve both communicated like healthy, well-balanced adults, you’re both horny as hell?”
“Pretty much.”
“And you have a house full and a baby sharing your room at night.”
“Yup.”
“So, you keep slinking off to pantries and cleaning cupboards to try and—” he waves his hand in search of the right word. “—beintimate.”
