“Yeah, well one wrong move tonight and so will the rest of Pear Street,” she huffs.
Old Orchard Village Hall is not like the old halls I knew as a child, all beige and squeaky floors, smelling of mothballs and old woman perfume. No, this one is sleek and modern with pine beams and solid wood flooring, distinctly lacking any creeks. It smells new, like fresh paint and wood. We arrive early so as not to ruin the illusion for all the kiddies, seeing me—a.k.a Santa—arriving in a Volkswagen.
There is the distinct sound of setting up with furniture scraping on the floor, orders being barked, and the clinking of metal that sounds like cutlery. When we walk into the main hall, Lisa totters over to us with a huge smile.
“Oh, you guys look amazing!” She pulls Nel into a hug. “I told you it would fit.”
The face Nel gives her has me disguising my laugh with a cough. “I’m seriously concerned about flashing minors here, Lisa.”
Lis gives her a thoughtful once over. “Just don’t bend down, you’ll be fine. Or you’ll be giving some hyped up pre-teens some very confusing feelings to go to bed with tonight.”
Nel’s eyes widen in horror and I throw my head back laughing with my whole body.
“And you,” Lisa points to me. “Your belly is not shaking like a bowl full of jelly. Let’s rectify that.” From a table behind us, she pulls some white fuzz like what they stuff teddy bears with and without any care for propriety, she undoes the belt around my waist.
“Ex-squeeze me! Buy a man dinner first!”
Her eyebrows raise at my bare chest. “Did you not wear a t-shirt underneath?”
“Clearly not, Lis.” I cover my bare nipples with my hands.
“Oh baby boy,” she shakes her head, trying to suppress her smirk. “You’re going to regret that.”
Passing me the stuffing, she walks away laughing and I stick my tongue out at her retreating back. Holding the fuzz over my abdomen, I wrap the jacket back round me and do the belt up. Immediately, I understand Lisa’s amusement as the material feels like fire ants covered in itching powder over my skin. I’m about to tell Nel that I may have made a mistake but her eyes are downcast and her bottom lip rolling between her teeth.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Are you in love with Lisa?”
Excuse me while I just pick my jaw up off the floor.
“I mean, I get it,” she keeps going when I’m unable to form sentences. “She’s perfect. Like, Mummy Barbie or something.” She sounds resigned and I’m utterly confused.
“Why the Hell would you think that?” I finally manage.
“You two have your own jokes and you’re really close and, like I said, she’s perfect. It would make sense.”
I huff out a breath, trying to calm myself because honestly, I’m getting annoyed. How have my actions over the last couple of days made Nel think that I have eyes foranyonebut her? “Lisa and I are close,” I agree. “Because she’s my best friend’s wife, it makes sense that we both get along. We’re both closest to the same person.” I turn to Nel, finding her nodding at me but her face is still uncertain. “Lisa is perfect.” I step over to her and drag her lip from her teeth with my thumb. “For Harry.” She blinks up at me as I keep her jaw cradled in my palm. “But she doesn’t hold a candle to y—”
“Oh my God, you look ridiculous!” Harry strides over, not even noticing that fact that I’m second away from kissing his sisterfor the third time in two days.
“You’re one to talk,” Nel says, stepping away from me and gesturing at his Christmas jumper. A red monstrosity with a 3D chimney wrapped in real LED fairy lights and Santa’s legs hanging out the bottom.
He shrugs. “I lost a bet with Luke last night. The man can drink.” He looks at Nel and barely contains the disapproval in his face before he turns to me. “Did I see my wife undressing you earlier? What was that about?”
“She has no boundaries,” I say, by way of answer and he just nods.
“She gets a little crazy at these things. Good luck with that as you’re basically her employees now.” He claps me on the shoulder and walks away.Dick.
The hall looks good, there’s a large tree in one corner and tinsel everywhere. I find myself looking for sneaky mistletoe, any excuse. But I come up short. Along one wall is a large buffet that’s been laid out with sandwiches, sausage rolls, and miniature cakes, among other things. But it’s the cakes I have my eye on. Just getting into character, you know?
In the far corner is the Santa’s grotto, made from carboard by the look of it, surrounded by fake snow and what can only be described as a throne next to it. That’s where we head as I pull my fake beard from where I’d stuffed it in my pocket, position it on my face, and take my pew. Nel stands awkwardly to one side, fidgeting and tugging at the hem of her skirt.
“You nervous, little elf?”
Her eyes widen slightly before shrugging it off. “I’m not great with kids,” she admits.
“You seem okay with Lucas and Oscar.”
