JAKE
"Can Aunty Nel read to us tonight?” Oscar asks when both he and Lucas come down in their matching Christmas pyjamas to say goodnight. The fear in Nel’s eyes at this prospect is hilarious, she looks like she’s just been asked to explain String Theory.
“Only if Aunty Nel is happy with that,” Lisa answers softly and everyone’s eyes turn to Nel. I hide my laughter behind the crystal tumbler holding my Old Fashioned. I’m glad that we’ll be getting a taxi tonight so I can let the alcohol magnify this moment.
“Uh, yeah. Okay, sure,” Nel says, nodding as though trying to encourage herself. She gets up to follow her nephews up the stairs, but turns to Harry and Lisa, her face screwed up in question. “Do I need to do anything? Do they need milk or something?”
I snort. I can’t help it.
Harry frowns at her. “They’re six and nine.”
She blinks at him waiting for further explanation but when it doesn’t come, she says, “So, no?”
Lisa smiles kindly and speaks gently. “They don’t have milk, just head on up and they’ll show you what to do. But don’t let them bully you into reading a third book. Two max.”
She nods, looking like she’s trying to lock those instructions in her brain and follows the boys up the stairs. Lisa starts getting up to clear the table but Harry puts his palm on her hand, stopping her.
“Go sit down, babe. Put your feet up and relax. Jake and I’ll wash up.”
I nod at her in confirmation and see her shoulders relax in gratitude. “Yeah, go on,babe.” I grin at her, and she throws a rolled-up napkin at me.
As Lisa retreats to the living room, taking everyone else with her, Harry and I stack plates. I roll up the sleeves of my t-shirt and fill the sink. We fall into comfortable silence, working together to clear the minimal mess that Lisa made cooking.
“How you doing, H?” I ask, concentrating on the saucepan I’m washing as he loads the dishwasher with the plates.
“I’m great,” he says with a forced air of ease.
“Harry,” I press.
He sighs, standing straight and looking at me. I hold his gaze, waiting for him to figure out his feelings. “I’m okay. Lis has been running around trying to do everything—to make everything perfect—and doesn’t want me doing much because she thinks I’m going to break down or something.” He runs his hand through his styled blonde hair, effectively messing it up. “I’d rather she relaxed a bit and concentrates on growing that baby.”
“Are you?” I ask gently.
“Am I what?”
“Going to break down?” I abandon the saucepan and turn to face him. Giving him my full attention. “You haven’t really taken time to grieve, H.”
He huffs a laugh, looking down to his shoe. “You sound like Lisa.”
“Good, she’s a very smart woman,” I say. “Just don’t tell her I said that.”
He looks at me with a grin. “She already knows she’s smarter than you, Partridge.”
“I’m sure she does,” I laugh. “So come on, stop deflecting. Are you okay?”
He leans back on the counter and folds his arms over his chest. “I don’t know, honestly. I feel like I need to keep going for my family. Lis is seven months pregnant and still refusing to slow down. The last thing she needs is for me to stop functioning. The boys were so upset to lose Dad but we’d talked them through it beforehand so they were prepared. But with Mum going just like that, it threw them through a loop. They still get teary and I need to be able to hold them through it.”
I take in a deep breath and level with him, “You ever think that maybe they need you to cry too, mate? So they know it’s okay to grieve?” He clenches his jaw and swallows; I can see the thin glaze of moisture in his eyes and reach to squeeze his shoulder. “You know I’m not telling you how to parent—”
“I know,” he gives me a half smile. “I’m just…”
I squeeze his shoulder again, encouraging him to continue. When he doesn’t, I say, “You’re just what?”
“I’m scared, Jake.” That moisture now pools in the rim of his eyes. “I’m scared that if I let myself break, there won’t be any coming back from it.”
“Dude, no matter how much you break, there are people willing to put you back together again.” He scrubs his palm over his face, erasing the evidence of tears, and takes a deep breath through his nose. “Lisa may need you right now, but it’s okay for you to need her too, mate. She’s a tough cookie, she can handle looking after you a little bit. You know I’m here for you, H. I’ll hold you while you cry, or I’ll take the kids off your hands so you can have time to yourself or with Lis. Nel’s going through it too, I’m sure she’d be here for you.”
He lets out a humourless laugh, turning round to continue loading the dishwasher. “I don’t know what’s going on with her.”
