“And what about the bathroom? When you guys soaked me from head to toe?” Ody asked, hurt rising.
Kash flinched hard this time. “That was Pablo’s idea. He wanted to show off, and Brandon went along with it. I tried to get them to drop it, but once they’re set on something, they don’t back off. I should’ve stopped them, I know that. But I didn’t. I hid behind them instead of standing up for you.” He swallowed. “Because I’m a coward. Because I was scared of being the next target.”
Ody let out a bitter laugh. “Everyone thinks you’re the one in charge of that group. That you’re the leader. But they push you around like a pawn.”
Kash’s jaw tightened, a flicker of humiliation crossing his face. “I can’t show that I like you,” he said, almost whispering it. “Not after a whole year of acting like that. I can’t just walk up tomorrow and tell them to stop. That’s not how they work.”
“Just say you’re bored. That you’re tired of it. How hard is that?”
Kash exhaled through his nose. “You think it’s easy for me. You have no idea what they’re like when they turn on someone.”He hesitated. “But since you agreed to go out with me, I’ll do it. They won’t bother you again.” His voice softened at the end, promising.
Ody studied him. Part of him saw a boy who didn’t seem as awful as before. But the other still saw the same bastard who had hurt him and Mano again and again. How could he be both?
“And what about the hallway?” He pressed, anger building. “You said you’d send Mano and my friends to the hospital. Was that your friends’ idea too? Because last I checked, you were alone.”
Kash looked down, shoulders tensing. “They were down the corridor. Watching. They told me to threaten you. I tried to shut it down. Told them Mano had already beaten me, that it was done. They didn’t listen. And if I refused… they’d turn on me.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean any of that. I knew it would scare you. I hated it.”
Ody let out a cold, short laugh. “Just a pawn.”
Kash’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t argue. He couldn’t. “That’s why I lashed out so violently at Mano afterward. I mean… that’s part of the reason,” he muttered. “They saw Mano grab me and hit me in front of half the campus. I couldn’t just let it go. They would’ve thought…”
“That you’re weak, right?” Ody’s voice was cold. A memory slammed into him. “And in the back yard…” He stopped, his chest tightening. “When you made me…” Shame and anger blurred together. “You told your friends to film me. If Mano hadn’t shown up, they’d have that video of me on my knees apologizing to you.”
“I’m sorry,” Kash said, regret flickering across his face.
“And you punched me. You actually hit me. Was that their idea too?”
Kash’s face fell. “They were right there. I had to. If I didn’t, they’d know something was off. You think I wanted to do that? I hated myself the second it happened.”
Ody pushed himself up from the couch, chest tight. “I can’t sit here and hear excuses.”
Kash caught his wrist. “No, please. I’m sorry. For everything.” He swallowed. “I didn’t want to hurt you, believe me.” His eyes were wide and desperate.
“What am I supposed to believe?” Ody said. “All I see when I look at you is the person who’s made my life hell.”
“Don’t say that,” Kash whispered, pain pulling at his features.
“You wanted to do all those things.”
“No, I didn’t.” His voice shook. “Do you know how hard it is to pretend you’re someone you’re not? To wear a mask every single day? Yeah, I can fight. Yeah, I know people. But I don’t want to be this person. I’m forced to put on this face.”
“No one’s forcing you,” Ody snapped. “You are who you choose to be.”
“So what then?” Kash shot back, raw and breathless. “Should I let them know? Even the ones who beat up Mano? Should they know that I like guys? That everything I do is just to get close to the one guy I want from uni?” His eyes locked onto Ody’s, unblinking. “Is that what you want?”
Ody held his gaze. “I don’t want anything. I’m just telling you that you choose the kind of person you want to be,” he said, cold and steady.
“Oh, yeah?” Kash let out a shaky laugh and bit his lip, eyes dropping to the floor. After a moment he looked up again. “I’m gonna tell you exactly why I can’t just choose who I am. And if you still think I can… I’ll walk out of your life right now.”
Ody’s stare softened, curiosity mixing with caution.
Kash exhaled and stared at the floor. “Six months ago, Pablo told us about a guy in his tutoring class. He went outside during break to smoke and saw him kissing another guy.”
Ody tensed, dread creeping into his stomach.
“They mocked him nonstop. Called him every disgusting name they could think of. And one day, Pablo and Brandon followed him after class to see where he lived.”
A sick feeling twisted inside Ody. It reminded him too much of the night they dragged him to that school.
