I nod while I keep my gaze averted. Why is this so embarrassing? Does it really matter to him that much?
And, though it might be in my mind, the light around us seems just a bit brighter.
Chapter 12
Itell Colten that I don’t sleep with people unless we date for at least a month, but honestly? I don’t want to sleep with someone unless I believe we’re in it forever.
It’s easier to just say a month, though, when Colten is staring at me likethat.
It’s a rule I made before my first-ever date in high school. My mom had sat me down beforehand, serious in a way she usually wasn’t, and told me not to sleep with anyone unless I could see a future with them, because sex wasn’t just sex; it was a commitment. It was a choice that could tie you to someone for the rest of your life, no matter how careful you were.
That first date was with a girl from the soccer team. She was pretty, funny, and chewed with her mouth open. Loudly. All while talking the whole time, like it didn’t even occur to her to stop.
I remember sitting there and suddenly seeing it. Every future dinner, every conversation, the same sound, over and over again.
I ended things right there.
As I got older, it stopped being just about the risk of a kid and lifelong commitments. I saw how people got tangled up in each other, how they gave themselves to someone and came away thinking it meant more than it did. It was almost like they wereowed something, or like they’d lost something they couldn’t get back.
I didn’t want that. Not for me, and not for anyone else.
Colten’s jaw drops, eyes wide and uncomprehending. “You…you really haven’t had sex?”
On some level, it’s a bit rewarding to see Colten so shocked. It takes a lot to surprise my best friend, and it seems like I’ve really gotten the leg up on him this time.
On the other hand, is it really so surprising I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone I don’t care about?
Still, his attention on me is, well, a lot. Especially when he’s still holding me down on the bed and I can feel his dick twitching against my thigh. I’m burning with embarrassment.
“Yeah, so?” I say, rolling my eyes. “I would think you’d understand, given that you’re always saying you don’t do ‘temporary’.”
Colten blinks. “I…didn’t realize.”
“Well, we’ve been best friends for three years, and we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives, so,” I say, daring him to contradict me.
Colten just stares, wordlessly, his hands squeezing and relaxing his grip around my wrists without any sense of rhythm.
“You mean that?” Colten asks, settling on squeezing harder, hard enough to hurt.
I grimace but look him straight in the eyes. “Yes, of course.”
Colten hesitates for a moment more before I can see his resolve settling. It happens in stages, like he’s first shedding the uncertainty, then the confusion, and then, finally, whatever he’s been holding onto about this whole situation.
The glow between us dimmed while we were talking. It’s still there, but only just enough for me to make out Colten's features. I watch as his eyebrows ease from their furrow, and his lips come out from hiding, all shapes and vague colors in the fading light.
Colten looks down at me in the muted light, carefully holding himself like he’s still giving me room to change my mind.
I look back up at him, and my chest fills with warmth in a way that has nothing to do with wanting him to touch me again.
Of course, Colten would be the one I do this with. It just makes sense that it would be him.
I relax into his hold, waiting for him.
And a moment later, I’m rewarded for my patience when he bends back down to kiss me.
It starts out tentative, lips pressing against lips, a tongue gently easing between us as I eagerly respond. He maps out my mouth, careful, almost teasing, as I keep myself still and open for him, despite my blood slowly returning to a boil with need.
My pulse is racing, sweat gathering at my lower back by the time Colten raises his head and looks back down at me.
