Agnes nodded. “That is not an outfit to be hunted and ravished in.”
“Good work, Nova. Good work,” Jayne said.
I opened my mouth to say I hadn’t done anything.Andif that were true, that would mean Roman was both demented and delusional, because I owed him absolutely nothing.
But again, a room full of women devoted to men wasn’t exactly my target audience for this sentiment.
Attendants came in with plates of food and more drinks, which Jayne explained were non-alcoholic, because she didn’t want to see any of us under the influence tonight. Consent could only be given sober, she reminded us. One or two drinks were fine, but no more. Drunkenness earned an escort out of the party.
I wondered if the malebankswere following these rules. I also wondered how the hell Lorelei was.
I sat on a stool in front of the mirror and let Agnes work her magic. She swept my waves of hair behind my shoulders and placed iridescent highlighter on my cheekbones and in the corners of my eyes, along with tiny rhinestones around my eyelids and undereye. The technique made my dark irises appear bigger, my skin plump and dewy.
“You see the vision?” she asked as she worked.
I sighed, watching myself become wholly transformed into exactly what Roman wanted me to be. Exactly whatThe Circlewanted me to be.
I was a glimmering angel, untouched and pure, ready to be served to the highest bidder.
Across my mind’s eye, I saw a flash of Lorelei’s father, Pastor Roy Carter. My own father. My older brother.
I nodded. My tongue tasted bitter. “I see the vision.”
20
NOVA
Exiting the bathroom felt like leaving reality and stepping out into a dream. Even my own self-consciousness melted away, unable to survive in this realm of glittering sin.
“I need to find Jeffrey and show him my outfit. He wanted it to be a surprise,” Maisy said.
I was half paying attention to her departure, half paying attention to the woman dressed as a clown walking two men in suits and golden animal masks on leashes.
The clown abruptly stopped. “Now kiss, you disgusting little rich fucks.”
The two men turned to each other, hesitating, their mouths covered by the masks.
She grabbed their heads and pushed them together, her painted face scrunched with disgust.
The masked lips touched. The clown woman laughed at them. “I can’t wait to tell your investors,” she taunted.
“Nova,” Jayne said, drawing my attention to her. She smiled. “This is your first party. Explore. The auction won’t start until eleven. If you need anything, find me or Archer or one of the girls.”
She lightly tilted my chin up, scanning my eyes. The strength of her magnetic pull was on full blast tonight.
“Show that little girl who prayed for God to make her normal—who prayed for him to make her anything else but her true self—that she is perfect just the way she is.”
My chest tightened. Something raw and wounded surfaced, an ache that had never healed.
“You can be who you are here,” Jayne said. “You’re free.”
“I don’t feel free,” I whispered.
Jayne’s golden eyes were warm, maternal. “You will one day. You don’t have to fully believe yet. Start with the possibility that youmightbe wrong. That maybe, just maybe, your desires matter too.Youmatter, Nova. Theyoushame will never kill.”
My eyes burned and my throat clogged. I shuddered, caught between my familiar, stubborn denial that had been slowly weakening and a yearning that had always belonged to me.
A yearning that came from more than my body, a yearning I feared was embedded in my soul.
