I faltered.
“With this book?” he finished.
My next breath was shaky. “That’s one way to describe it,” I said. “I can’t stop. I can’t stop even though I know I should. If I go through with publishing it, it will ruin what I’ve built, and yet—I’m compelled. I’ve been burned out for so long, I forgot what it felt like tolovewriting.” I laughed softly. “So, yeah. Kicking and screaming the whole way down, right?” I referenced Wes’s description of falling in love with the city.
He stopped his absent-minded stroke of my hand. “Some compulsions shouldn’t be obeyed,” he said softly, nearly somber. “But art isn’t one of them. You’re being led down this path for a reason. I believe if you follow it, the right door will open foryou, maybe where you least expect it. You don’t have to stay where you are forever. You’re allowed to change. Even if it’s uncomfortable, and even if other people don’t like it. You’re an artist, not a machine.”
I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hear someone tell me that. Wes’s confident authority soothed the panicked doubt, allowing a glimmer of possibility, or evenpermission, for the first time. To do what I wanted to do despite potential consequences.
“You’re quite mystical, you know that?” I said. I searched his hazel eyes, trying to place him into a male archetype like I’d tried countless times before. Still, he remained uncategorizable.
Wes smiled and shrugged noncommittally.
I sighed. “It’s hard not to start to see your work—and yourself—as a machine when that’s what the system rewards.”
“Yet we can’t. We can’t lose our humanity.”
The rest of the drive, Wes and I alternated between deep talks and banter and comfortable silence as we traded songs back and forth. He peppered me with questions about my books and my process, and I realized he was the first friend who had ever read all my books before. I certainly didn’t have family to read them.
By the time we reached a long, winding driveway, it was like we’d entered a different country. It was easy to forget there was nature, land, and space within a ninety-minute radius of the city.
“Woah,” I breathed. My eyes widened. We were in a line of black cars approaching the biggest house I’d ever seen—ifhousewas even the right word.
This was an estate, a property fit for hosting galas and charity events and—well, an exclusive kink party for hundreds of guests.
Wes’s energy changed as it always did when we were in proximity of The Circle. The sun had just set, bathing our world in a darkness quickly multiplying.
“Looks like somewhere a senator would live,” I noted.
“I’m sure you’re not too far off,” Wes said dryly.
Beyond the grand front entrance, framed by white pillars that held a second story balcony, I saw guests greeted by a security detail that certainly rivaled a government building.
“Are they checking people for weapons?” I squeaked.
“And devices, I’m sure,” Wes drawled. “Any recorded evidence taken at this party would be incredibly valuable, if one was stupid enough to try it.”
I gulped. Yeah, I hadn’t heard positive things about what happened to desperate people who crossed the wealthy.
I paled. That was why they found us on the subway to deliver our invitations. Their flex of power was athreat.Who needed collateral when the cult had fool-proof intimidation tactics?
Unless the parties were where they collected collateral.
My heart pounded, mind spinning in many different directions. I mentally reminded myself of my mission. Find Lorelei. Escape together. We weren’t going to go any deeper. We would leave the powerful to their power games and get the fuck away from them.
But what about Wes?
“Do you think you’ll find your answers here?” I asked him. We were almost to the front of the line.
“I hope we both do,” he said. “I’ll help you look for your friend too. Lorelei, right?”
I nodded gratefully. Okay, perfect. We were on the same page. Get in, get out, happily ever after for all.
“I’m going to get dressed with the girls, and then…” I trailed off, not quite understanding where we’d left things.
Wes chuckled, despite the clear tension in his every muscle fiber. “The one bright spot in all of this will be you dressed as a fairy princess.”
I blushed, glaring at him. “More like an angel fairy, but whatever.”
