Regardless of Jayne’s cultish motives, maybe she was right about one thing. Iwastired of feeling so afraid.
“Close your eyes for me,” Wes said softly.
I obeyed.
“How do you want to feel when you’re in the pulpit?” he asked. “The more emotionally rich, the better.”
“Confident,” I said. “Serene. Like what I’m doing is easy.”
“Good,” he said.
My insides warmed, my muscles untensing an inch.
“Deep breath in,” Wes commanded, and I obeyed. “And slowly out.” Once we’d done a few more rounds of breathing, he said, “Open your eyes and follow my fingers with your gaze without moving your head.”
He zagged two fingers in my field of vision in a crisscross pattern, up and down. I focused on the movement, getting lost in it, until he suddenly broke the pattern by making his fingers dart in a new direction. He repeated the process again. The effect it had was strange, the edges of my mind growing fuzzy.
“Now fix your gaze on a specific point on the ceiling. If your eyes grow too heavy, you can always close them again. Either way is fine.”
I stared at a point in the white ceiling, already feeling lighter.
“I’m going to count down from ten. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to plan or worry or judge or even think at all. I will do it for you. You’re safe to relax, listen, andlet go.Your body will naturally know what to do.” He paused. “When I get toone, you will still be you, but more serene. Everything you do will feel easy.”
My body was already reacting to his guidance, unclenching with every calm, certain word Wes spoke. I was too anxious and desperate to think of his words as condescending or misogynistic like the defensive part of me wanted to. I needed this to work, and if that meant letting Wes think for me, so be it.
“Ten,” Wes said, soothing and strong. “You don’t have to try. Your body is relaxing naturally. Your heart is slowing. With every breath, you release more tension.”
Every time my mind fought him by producing more thoughts, the certainty of Wes’s voice brought me right back to center. By the time Wes got tofive, my lids had dropped slightly. The aftereffects of my adrenaline surge made my body feel cool and heavy as I sank deeper into the couch.
“Three. Your body is relaxed, but your mind is peacefully awake. You’re safe.”
Those last two words hit me somewhere deep, but I wasn’t sure why. All of me grew heavier in an instant, like I was melting into the cushions. I barely heard him saytwo.
“One,” Wes said, his voice guiding me down an illuminated path.
I couldn’t remember when my eyes had closed.
“Good,” Wes said, and my world grew brighter.
I thought I might’ve been smiling softly, but I wasn’t sure.
“When you open your eyes, you will be ready to speak. Speaking to the nave will be as easy as speaking to me. You will only say and do what you want to do. The specifics of your memories from before New York are safely locked away. You won’t overthink anything. When you are finished telling your story, I will squeeze your hand, and your memories will return. You will come back to yourself, fully alert, and you will feel amazed at what you were able to do.”
My heart was slow and steady, barely reacting to his words.
“Open your eyes, Nova.”
Wes. I sighed, studying his warm hazel eyes and perfectly sculpted features. He was breathtaking.
His tattooed hand twitched on his knee. He took a deep breath. “You’re going to slowly stand for me.”
I stood. Wes stood too. I stared up at him like I had before—the way Iwantedto stare at him. He’d said to only do what I wanted to do.
A breath of relief left my lips. I wasn’t used to doing whatIdesired with reckless abandon.
Wes’s air of effortless power wavered for the briefest of seconds. When he looked away, I felt desperate for his eyes to return to me.
“Nova,” he said slowly, and my entire body lit up with pleasure. He appeared to internally wrestle with something for a moment before returning my gaze with a renewed fierceness. His hand delicately lifted my chin, his thumb stroking my cheek. “You’re going to walk with me into the nave. When Jayne callsyou to speak, you will go by yourself, but you will feel me with you.”
