I cleared my throat. I wanted to ask Jayne about Lorelei, but after Maisy’s warning, I knew it was too risky. They were already assessing me. My weaknesses, my dreams, my secrets.
“What happens after dinner?” I asked her instead.
“Whatever you desire,” she said. She leaned closer. “Has someone told you about the Midsummer party, Nova?”
I nodded. “Only thateveryone goes.I’m still unclear as to what the party entails.”
“Entails,” Jayne laughed, repeating my word. “You speak like such a writer. I love it.” She pulled away and focused on someone at the opposite end of the table. “Marty, Rebecca is going to be at Midsummer, correct?”
A man in his fifties nodded, a lazy grin on his face. “Won’t everyone?”
“I’ve been thinking about your career,” Jayne said to me when she turned back. “I know several people who would be dazzled by a young author building her own brand. Do you have any mentors? Coaches? An agent?”
I shook my head, lost for words. I didn’t want these people to know about my career, let alone put their hands on it. My writing had nothing to do with any ofthis. It was sweet, cozy romance set in small towns where everyone knew everyone else. They were emotional but never dark. The men were strong and protective, never domineering or crass. I’d built worlds where everyone was safe, the tension and drama were contained, and everything always worked out and could easily be tied up in a neat little bow. No loose ends. No religion or politics or addiction or excessive violence. No wounds that couldn’t be healed by true love.
Safe.
“Don’t be bashful,” Jayne said, giving me a playful nudge. “They’re all going to love you. Promise.”
I ignored the urge to bolt, choosing to smile instead. “Does this mean I’m ascending?”
Jayne mirrored my smile. “Of course you are, silly.”
Relief washed over me, and I released a breath. I could find Lorelei, and then I could get out of here. Easy. Done. Everything tied up in a neat little bow.
Jayne lifted her glass and tapped it with a small spoon until the room fell silent once more.
“Next week, our gathering will be much larger, as it will be our last celebration together before Midsummer. We will offer several classes to hone last minute skills and brush up on proper etiquette before the big affair. And to kick the evening off, the lovely Nova will be delivering a sermon at the pulpit.”
My heart stopped. I froze, skin paling and palms suddenly ice cold and clammy.
Jayne grinned at me. “She will remind us all what it means to let go of fear and step into the transformative unknown. It won’t be something to miss.”
Everyone was staring at me. I needed to vomit. A cold sweat broke out across my neck. I couldn’t move, couldn’t react. I felt myself nod on autopilot, as if I was in on Jayne’s plan. Because the only thing more humiliating than being forced to overcome my worst fear would be for everyone toknowI was being forced into it. I imagined a room of a hundred pitying faces, whispering to each other about how awkward I was, how much secondhand embarrassment I was giving everyone.
The chatter slowly resumed. It felt like I was half inside my body and half floating above it, observing.
I heard the wordsI’ll be right backleave my lips, but I couldn’t remember deciding to say them.
“You’re going to be great,” Jayne said as I stood from the table. She placed a hand on my forearm to stop me from scurrying away. “You don’t need to prepare anything. You’re going to speak from the heart, as Spirit directs you. You’ll have all the help you’ll need.” She winked—yet another clue I was supposed to understand but didn’t.
All I understood was that Jayne needed to utterly humiliate me before she’d allow me to attend that party. She needed me broken, probably so rich old men could more easily have their way with me.
When she stopped speaking, I slid my arm from her grasp and bolted. My pace was quick. I was across the room and out the door in a matter of seconds.
The hallway was quiet, not even a half-naked servant in sight. I had no idea where the bathroom was, my intended destination for a momentary escape.
A part of me wanted to leave the church entirely, but I didn’t want Jayne to win. Or was staying and doing exactly what she wanted letting her win?
Fuck, I didn’t know. Either way, I lost, it seemed.
I stopped pacing and sank to the floor, ass hitting the ornate carpet.
“Nova.” Wes slowly approached me, his eyes soft.
I was too high on adrenaline to care enough to shoo him away.
He sat across from me on the floor in his expensive dress pants. “Are you okay?”
