This was crazymaking. “Let me guess: you have no idea Roman has been trying to get me to behisfor months. Or about any of the other subs he toys with.”
Lorelei stared at me with disgust. “You’re pathetic. I’m not going to fall for any of your lies. After everything I’ve done for you… you only spit in my face.”
“What have you done for me, Lorelei?” I asked, my lip trembling. “Please, tell me whatyouhave done forme.”
“Some people are addicted to their own suffering,” she said with a condescending shake of her head. “You found The Circle for a reason. You had a chance to get everything you ever wanted, and you blew it. Jayne took a liking to you immediately, which was perfect, and I helped in every way possible to make sure she best understood how to help you ascend. Roman did too—He wanted to help because you’re my family, so one day, you’ll beHisfamily too.”
“You lured me here on purpose,” I repeated. “All that shit you said to me only primed me for this place.”
“Duh. I thought you were the smart one,” she said. “This was always your destiny. Your performance these past months has been disappointing, but youdidmake progress. You were really living, even if it had only been for a brief time. You were indulging in desires you should’ve explored years ago. You were havingfun.I saw it. Even if it was with the wrong man for you, and you gave up too quickly. You dreamed of this life since we were kids—glamour, success, adventure, great love. Yet you won’t let yourself have it. You have to make everything hard instead of letting it all be easy.”
I stared at her in utter bewilderment, running through the past months as if that would help me make sense of the conflicting narratives and realities everyone here was living inside of.
“You could’ve had it all,” she said. “The right connections for your author career. A vibrant community of interesting people who are actuallydoing thingsout in the world. People who make things happen, who believe in magic—not a bunch of nihilistic Gen Z losers who don’t believe they have any agency in their lives at all.”
“Can you really blame them?” I snapped. “Look around! Peoplearesuffering, Lorelei. Not everyone can join a wealthy inner circle with complimentary omakase and massages and Pilates, bankrolled by the exact dickheads causing all our disillusionment in the first place!”
“It’s hard to listen to someone with such a strong victim mentality,” Lorelei said with a sigh. “The Circle is full of people with real impact, who are discussing solutions to the issues you’re so concerned about. Creative people, artists just like you. But instead of capitalizing on these opportunities for exploration, connection, and spiritual evolution, what were you doing?”
“Trying to saveyoufrom yet another abusive asshole,” I spat.
“Oh, isthatwhat was distracting you? Things looked a little differently from where I sat,” Lorelei hissed back. “You allowed yourself to be isolated and brainwashed by a man with neck tattoos!”
I ran a hand through my hair, about ready to start yanking strands out by the roots.
She sighed, as if to calm herself down. Her next words were softer. “Yes, the world is burning down around us, Nova. And it’s not stopping any time soon. It’s only getting worse. We needto besmartabout our futures.” She nodded, pinning me with a pointed look.
I laughed bitterly. “Oh, I see. So you chose the winning side, huh?” I asked. “That’s what you’re really saying. You don’t believe I can make it on my own. Or maybe you don’t want me to,” I said, a newfound strength knocking loose from somewhere deep inside me. “I left doomsday cults behind, Lor.”
My heart clenched in my chest. A tremor rolled through me, like a painful, long-awaited release. “I left behind abusive men and charming snakes. I know you didn’t, you couldn’t, but…I can’t save you.”
I’d never said those words aloud. I’d never truly believed them, not until this moment. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin, similar to when I’d been convinced that I heard the wisdom of the Holy Spirit as a child.
Wes had been right.
My eyes were open now.
“I can’t save you,” I repeated as Lorelei stared at me in confusion, her own lip starting to tremble. “You have to save yourself now, okay?” A tear slid down my cheek. “And as for my hopefulness and self-reliance you have tried endlessly to dissuade me of… at least I tried. At least I amtrying.I’m proud I didn’t trade myself for the façade of safety—a cheap, ephemeral replacement for love. I would rather be delusional than numb.”
Lorelei’s mouth clamped shut. The familiar scent of vodka was just barely detectable on her breath. It would seem Roman, son of God, had missed a spot when he’d taken away all of Lorelei’s defects.
I tried to keep my gaze on Lorelei’s blue eyes instead of her protruding rib cage—the evidence of the pain I couldn’t remove from her either.
“I love you, Lor. I’m rooting for you. And you were right about one thing: you did help me. Because of you, I havechanged. And part of that change includes letting you go.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I hope it’s not forever.”
I turned away. When I slipped into the hallway, I heard her weakly call out, “Wait. Nova, wait.”
But I didn’t turn back—even if it was crushing, even if a huge part of me still wanted to keep sacrificing myself at Lorelei’s altar, to keep atoning for sins I didn’t commit.
“Nova, please,don’t go.” Her voice cracked.
The pain and shocked desperation in her voice made me falter, but I kept walking. I walked all the way to the end of the hall.
I chose me. I was finally ready to chooseme. A heavy weight lifted from my shoulders, two decades of baggage gone. I felt lighter than I’d ever felt before.
I spotted Jayne staring down at the nave from above, arms resting on the balcony. She was alone, no one from her royal court in sight.
She glanced back at me.
