Oh, she wasgood.“Public speaking.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “My heart starts to race, my hands get clammy, and my voice shakes no matter what I do.”
She stopped walking when we got to a private alcove next to a wooden door and turned to me. “When did you first know you were different, Nova?”
My mouth clamped shut. Jayne smiled, seeing something in my eyes I never wanted any of them to see—and she saw it within five minutes of knowing me.
I was sofucked.
“Answer me truthfully, and I will send you the invite to the soirée next Friday evening. If you want your journey to end here, that is your choice.”
Panic clogged my throat. I wasn’t playing a part anymore. Her question had unlocked something too close to home—a home I would never return to.
I was taught from a young age to hate difference. In others, but, most importantly, in myself.
And no matter how far I’d run from the community that raised me, some wounds refused to heal.
I looked at the floor. I saw a familiar face in my mind’s eye, a charismatic man who preached about purity and sin and the end days.
Jayne placed her hand on my shoulder again. “You are here for a reason, Nova. The Circle doesn’t find you.Youfindus.”
I met her eyes. Lorelei wasn’t like them. She wasn’t likeme.She’d slid backward into the trauma we’d barely escaped, and she’d isolated herself from the only person who could remind her of what we left behind.
Jayne waited. And waited. I saw the precise moment her once bright features dimmed with bored disappointment. My stomach twisted.
“Scooby Doo,” I blurted.
5
NOVA
Jayne’s eyes lit up with delight, her hand dropping back down. She nodded for me to continue, her gaze deceptively comforting, maternal.
“Daphne was always getting, um, bound and gagged by the villains,” I said over the sound of blood rushing to my ears. “And I didn’t know what sex was—I wasn’t exposed to anything sexual until I was much older. I just liked it, and I didn’t understand why, but I somehow knew to feel guilty about it. I don’t know how I knew it was shameful, but I did. I liked when the boys play-chased us on the playground. I liked it in a way I knew was different from everyone else. It made me feelalive. The others were trying to escape, but I wanted to be caught.”
My vision grew tunneled. The walls were closing in. My heart raced, my palms clammy. I felt disgusting and freakish, unworthy of standing inside this space built for worship, this space built for God.
And more than that, I was angry with Jayne, angry withmyselffor caving to her transparent cult guru tactics. I was angry with Lorelei most of all.
“On the other side of fear is freedom, Nova,” she said. “Authenticity is the only way up.”
I needed to get the fuck out of here. Lorelei could rescue her own damn self.
“Please enjoy complementary reiki healing on your way out. It will help you integrate your newly awakened innermost self with its greater whole. Join us Friday at eight.” Her smile was radiant, not an angelic curl out of place. “Your password is Daphne.”
I bolted through the door next to us without answering. In the adjacent room, ocean sounds and binaural beats played through a speaker, and four massage tables were set up side-by-side, two of which were occupied by…
Pregnant women.
They were face-up, young and smiling, holding hands in the space between their tables, wearing flowy dresses. Over each stood a reiki therapist—and each therapist had her eyes closed. They waved their hands above the women’s bodies, as if praying over them.
One of the reiki ladies paused to open her eyes and glance at me. “You can take any of the available tables, and someone will be with you shortly. Do you have any specific areas of healing you’d like addressed today?”
“Not a fucking chance.” I fled through a nearby door. This time, I didn’t stop until I’d found the staircase back to the entrance hall. The bitchy receptionist didn’t even glance up from her laptop, but I swore I caught her smile out of the corner of my eye.
I whipped out my phone to tell Hudson and Delilah I was heading to the rendezvous point, only to see a text from Hudson first.
