‘You want us to date?’ Ellie frowned at him.
‘Maybe. Why not? This is nice.’
‘It is, but…’ Ellie ate some more pasta to give herself time to think. ‘This is all coming out of the blue a bit, Rowland. Can’t we just have dinner without complicating anything?’
‘Sure. But that’s where I am in this, just so you know.’ He took another drink. ‘I understand if you need some time to think about it. But I’m putting my cards on the table. Most un-lawyer-like.’
‘Well, you are a judge these days,’ Ellie replied, smiling. ‘Look, it’s very sweet of you to say all of this. But I’m not really ready to date right now. What with the operation and everything.’
‘All right.’ Rowland shook his head. ‘I understand.’
‘You’re not too devastated, are you?’ Ellie teased him a little, but she was grateful. The worst thing would have been finding herself in a man’s house, alone with him, and him deciding to make a move on her and not taking no for an answer.
‘Iamcompletely devastated, but I live in hope.’ Rowland’s eyes twinkled. ‘Do you want to talk about it? The cancer? I mean, I don’t know what to say about it really, but we can.’
‘Not really.’ Ellie felt her defences go up. She did not want to talk about it, and if that made her an ice queen, then so be it. ‘But thank you. One day, maybe. For now, I’d really love you to take my mind off it. Tell me some of your stories. You always told really hilarious stories.’
‘Challenge accepted.’ Rowland laughed. ‘Now, where to begin…’
Later, when they’d finished the chocolate pots and the bottle of wine, they wandered outside. Ellie looked down at the other houses she could see from their vantage point: many had pools, and surprisingly few of them had the verdant gardens she would have expected.
‘You have some view,’ she said.
‘I do,’ Rowland agreed. ‘You’d be amazed what you can see people doing from up here.’
It hadn’t been what she’d meant, but she didn’t correct him.
Ellie shivered; it was still warm, but there was a cooler breeze coming up from the sea. ‘Oh. How ungentlemanly of me. Here, take this.’ Rowland picked up a blanket that was draped over a sun lounger and placed it gently around her shoulders.
As his arms circled her, Ellie looked up into Rowland’s soft brown eyes, and something passed between them. It wasn’t the electric feeling she had felt when Mark Gardner had tried to kiss her – before her panic had set in, and she had pushed him away. She didn’t feel awkward around Rowland, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. Rowland was a known quantity.
But it was a nice feeling, a sense of knowing him. And there was something nice in knowing that Rowland liked her – wanted her, even – despite what had happened to her.
Gently, Rowland lowered his head and kissed her: briefly, and then more deeply.
Perhaps it was the wine, or perhaps it was the fact that Rowland had told her that he still had feelings for her, and that gave Ellie the upper hand in the dynamic between them. Or maybe it was that she already knew Rowland: he’d been a friend once.
Whatever it was, when Rowland kissed her, Ellie didn’t pull away, and she didn’t immediately worry about her breast or her scar or the idea that Rowland might find her physically repellent in some way. Instead, she kissed him back.
It felt good. It was nice. Comfortable.
Instinctively, Ellie wrapped her arms around Rowland’s neck; his hands travelled to her waist, and he pulled her gently towards him.
‘Oh, Ellie.’ Rowland breathed in her ear. ‘I should never have left you. I should have…’ He trailed off, and kissed her again.
Ellie was the one that stepped back, touching his cheek affectionately as their embrace separated.
‘Don’t,’ she murmured.
‘I’m sorry. Was that too much? I don’t want to… you know. Make you uncomfortable,’ Rowland murmured.
‘It wasn’t too much. It was good,’ she replied.
‘Okay.’
‘Okay.’
The shadows on the patio were growing, and the golden light was dimming.
‘Ellie?’
‘Yes?’ Ellie looked up at Rowland. She felt strangely at peace. It was just a kiss, but it was a milestone for her. She could kiss a man. She had done it, and Rowland hadn’t run for the hills just yet.
One day, maybe, she could do more.
‘Do you want to come inside for coffee? And I mean that in a completely literal and non-suggestive way.’
Ellie laughed.
‘That would be lovely, Rowland,’ she said, and followed him back into the bright kitchen.
