Okay. Five minutes. I can work with five minutes.
I need to think. I need to plan. I need to figure out how to—
“Your energy is very tense right now,” Athena said.
“That’s not silence.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but I can feel it and I just want you to know that it’s okay to be stressed, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and if you need to talk about it.”
“I don’t need to talk about it. I need tothinkabout it. Alone. In silence.”
“But you’re not alone. I’m here.”
“I’maware.”
“And that’s good! Because you don’t have to handle everything by yourself anymore. You have me now. We’re a team. A partnership. A cosmic union of—”
“We are not a cosmic union.”
“We’re married.”
“We’re getting divorced.”
“Are we though?” She tilted her head, and there was something in her expression, something soft and knowing and absolutely certain, something that made my chest tighten. “Because it doesn’t feel like we’re getting divorced. It feels like we’re just... beginning.”
Don’t look at her.
Don’t look at her eyes.
Don’t!
I looked at her eyes.
Mistake.
She was looking at me like I hung the moon. Like I reached up into the cosmos and rearranged the stars just for her. Like I was something precious and important and worth believing in.
No one had ever looked at me like that.
Not even close.
“Julien,” she whispered, taking a step toward me. “I know you’re scared. I know this isn’t what you planned. I know your whole life is about control and precision and having everything exactly where it’s supposed to be. But sometimes”—another step—“the best things in life are the things we don’t plan. The things that surprise us. The things that break through all our carefully constructed walls and just—”
“Stop.”
“—make us feel something real—”
“Athena, stop.”
“—something true—”
“Stop talking.”
“—something like—”
I kissed her.
I didn’t plan it. Didn’t think about it. Didn’t weigh the pros and cons, or consider the consequences, or run through a mental checklist of reasons why this was a terrible idea.
