Emma chuckled, bringing the pot and two heavy handmade mugs over. ‘I will do… now, tell me about lunch. Because you seem stressed about it.’
‘Is it that obvious?’ I sighed.
‘To me? Yes.’
‘Okay… it was kind of a big production. Richard had arranged for Mum and Dad to be there—’
‘Oh, my God – did he propose?’ Emma looked as horrified as I’d felt in the moment, which was somewhat vindicating. Her eyes searched my ring finger like she was looking for a landmine.
‘No, and believe me, I was worried he might, which… doesn’t seem ideal. He wanted us to celebrate going into business together – as property developers.’ I watched her face crinkle as she tried to understand this. ‘He got the funding sorted out for his business and he basically said that since the shop was going to fail anyway, I should come and steam wallpaper and strip paint for him.’
Emma opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it again, pressing her lips into a line. I watched her as she clearly tried to sort through what she wanted to say, like a deck of tarot cards, trying to find the most diplomatic ones. In the end she gave up and slammed ‘The Devil’ down between us.
‘Is he out of his tiny little mind?’
I laughed and, honestly, it felt so good to just laugh at how stupid this whole situation had become. All the fretting and worrying and overthinking and I just laughed it away for a moment. Emma joined in after a shocked little pause and we were both giggling, making each other crack up again every time our eyes met.
‘I know,’ I wheezed, once I managed to calm down. ‘It was such a bold move I was almost impressed, you know? He was acting like I’d already agreed – more than that,’ I added, warming to my theme. ‘He was acting like I didn’t just take him back after he cheated on me. Like it could be taken as read that I’d be over the moon to go straight into business with him and get married and have kids…’ I stopped, appalled at the way my skin was crawling, just thinking of it. What had I done? More importantly, what was I going to do about it now?
‘Are you… ready to tell me about why you did forgive him?’ Emma asked, carefully. ‘I feel like I missed something important somewhere – because none of this sounds like you.’
I looked down at the surface of the table and nodded. It didn’t really sound like me at all – was it only a few days ago that I’d convinced myself that Richard was my future? I felt like I was waking up from a trance.
‘I went to see Mum – I was already upset but then she told me that… my dad cheated on her when they first started going out.’
The timer went off for the reheated breakfast food and we both got up, scrambling to plate everything. As Emma slid crispy sausage patties onto two plates, she was still obviously reeling from this news.
‘I can’t believe she told you that – out of the blue,’ she said, as we retook our seats with heaped plates. ‘I mean, obviously it was meant to get you two back together, right?’
‘I suppose so… and it worked,’ I said unhappily, cutting into a warm waffle and dipping it into maple syrup. ‘She wasn’t happy about the break-up from the start, to be honest, and I suppose I just started to think, if they could get past it and have a whole life together, then maybe I could forgive Richard and we could get back to normal. Move on.’
Emma chewed a cube of melon meditatively. ‘I can see where she was coming from,’ she said slowly. ‘But… a lot of that isn’t about forgiveness, it’s about what happened afterwards. About how your dad proved himself and what they committed to together. Have you spoken to him since you found out? Asked about it?’
‘I tried to get into it at lunch but Richard interrupted.’ I took a sip of my tea and let it warm me through. ‘I should get his side of things. I know that. I didn’t mean to rush into anything but it all happened so quickly. I saw Mum and she talked to me about it and I started spiralling. Then, when I got back to the flat, Richard was already there and he was apologising. If I hadn’t messed things up with Cooper, it never would have happened.’
‘Cooper?’ Emma raised her eyebrows and a piece of sausage fell off her fork, landing in a puddle of syrup. ‘He was why you were upset?’
I winced and wished I’d kept that part to myself. It just made me feel so stupid. That I’d made such a big decision based on an awkward set-to with a virtual stranger. I set my cutlery down and poured myself a glass of smoothie as a distraction.
‘I bumped into him at the library and we were walking back to his place when it started raining. Everything was fine, he was fine. But then this car went past and… I don’t know, he acted scared almost. Hiding his face from it. So I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he told me it was none of my business and ran off into the rain.’
‘…and then his boat disappeared,’ Emma said, filling in the blank like it was the final clue in a weekend crossword. ‘I did wonder if that was connected to what was going on. Jesus! What do you think it was about that car? Is he in some kind of trouble? Legally?’
‘No idea. But whatever it is, it must be serious. He was really freaked out. I um… wondered if he was running away from his family. He mentioned not getting on with his dad that well. Or that maybe that’s his wife’s car or something and she’s looking for him.’
I couldn’t look at her while I said it but, when I glanced up, Emma was watching me with an odd expression. Sort of troubled but sympathetic. She reached over the table and covered my hand with hers.
“What?’ I asked softly.
‘I know I was teasing you, but I didn’t realise how much you liked him.’
My face burned. ‘I…’
But it was useless to deny it, because I did. I liked talking to him, I’d felt my heart lift every time we bumped into each other. And the thought of not seeing him again had been like a stone in my chest. I liked him. I cared about him. I just wasn’t sure if he cared about me.
Emma tilted her head to the side. ‘Tabitha, even if you’re not ready to think about anyone else romantically… it’s kind of obvious you care about him. Since he’s back, you should go and talk to him. Get a straight answer out of him.’
‘He didn’t want to give me one last time,’ I pointed out.
