‘Um… well, he didn’t actually think we’d broken up and neither was he sorry… but he did pack some stuff,’ I said, hearing how brittle my voice sounded and hating it. I’d cried while I finished up my hair and then tried to erase the evidence with probably too much of my precious Erborian concealer. No wonder Emma could tell I was shaken up. I probably looked like a weird reverse panda.
‘Ugh, what a dick!’ She screwed her face up and pulled out a stool for me. ‘I’ll open us up. Don’t worry about it.’
‘Thanks… I’m sorry for being such a mess the past couple of—’
Emma cut me off with a raised hand. ‘No apology needed. You were together for three years. It’s going to take more than a few days to feel like yourself again.’
I wished she wasn’t right. More than anything, I wanted my body to catch up with where my brain was. Intellectually, I was angry at Richard, so very angry. But my chest was still carved out with sadness and my stomach churned with regrets. How long would that last? How long would I be mourning a man that my higher reasoning told me wasn’t worth so much as a proper goodbye?
Emma went around the shop and pulled up the blinds behind the window displays. The lights came up one after the other and she moved the display baskets of half-price yarn out of the corner where they were stored while we hoovered every night. That done, she sat down and we ate breakfast together.
‘Do you think he gets it now – that you’re broken up?’ Emma asked, tearing open a sachet of ketchup and piping it evenly into her roll.
Looking at mine, I tried to muster some appetite. ‘I think so. He uh… kind of freaked out because there were men’s clothes drying on the airer when he came in.’
Her eyes widened and she paused with the bap halfway to her mouth. ‘Fill me in.’
‘Nothing happened!’ I exclaimed at her salacious tone. ‘It was… okay, so I went for a walk by the canal after work—’
‘Aww, you should have said, I’d have come with you,’ Emma interrupted.
I laughed, because I’d known that was exactly what she’d say. ‘I know, I just wanted to be by myself for a bit but I was walking that way and I found that narrowboat everyone’s been gossiping about and it turns out that jumper-man lives on it.’
A grin spread across her face. ‘You got with boat man?’
I swatted at her arm playfully, amusement and embarrassment at least making a nice change from hurt and doubt. ‘No! I was in a weird mood and I confronted him about the jumper… and then I fell into the canal and he had to rescue me.’
The noise Emma made could only be described as a squeal. ‘He rescued you from the water? I’ve seen this film. Did his shirt go see-through? Did he give you the kiss of life?’
‘It is really not the Colin Firth moment you’re picturing,’ I said, stirring two sugars into my coffee. ‘More like… grumpy dog begrudgingly fetches tennis ball from filthy canal.’
‘… hot,’ Emma raised her eyebrows. ‘Come on you’re telling me it wasn’t the least bit sexy? Because I did a rune reading for you and it did say you’d be meeting someone new.’
‘… did it really?’ I asked, narrowing my eyes.
‘Well, meeting someone new or that you’d be given a gift… or give birth. I’m still learning all the configurations but it was very positive.’
I laughed. It hurt all the tummy muscles I’d pulled whilst crying but felt good.
‘But he lent you clothes,’ Emma pressed, ‘and you’re telling me there was no spark at all? Not even a little tiny whiff of sexiness?’
The back of my neck went hot as I thought of Cooper’s crooked, slightly foxy smirk and his cold, nimble fingers. Heartbroken I might feel inside, but I wasn’t immune to… whatever that had been. I cleared my throat.
‘More like a whiff of canal. The presence of about five hundred Princess Diana pictures also gave the moment a weird vibe,’ I said and then, as Emma’s nose scrunched in confusion, I elaborated. ‘The boat’s full of some older couple’s royal family merchandise. He’s cleaning it up. And… maybe there was a tiny moment where I thought about… I mean I did see him naked. Ish. Briefly. From behind.’
Emma took a chomp of her roll and nodded sagely. ‘From behind is probably for the best.’
‘Why?’ I felt my face go a bit hot, remembering the moment I’d walked in on him changing. ‘Because I’m not ready to see a new dick yet?’
Cock, I corrected myself mentally. Richard had adickbut Cooper definitely seemed like the kind of man to have a cock.
I tried to ignore the hot squirmy feeling in my belly at the thought. I’d probably caught a deadly parasite from the canal water. I was absolutely not getting all wriggly thinking about Cooper’s…
‘Because he’d just taken a dip in the canal… which I expect was freezing,’ Emma said pointedly, screwing up her napkin. ‘Did he have a nice bum?’
‘Oh God, yes,’ I said, before I could filter my thoughts.
‘Was he… nice?’ Emma asked, raising an eyebrow.
