“Why can’t you be both?” He came to a stop in front of me and held out his hand.
I looked at him and then down at the ice. “Because the risk is that I fall and take you down with me. You can’t afford to get hurt in the middle of your season.”
He stepped off the ice, over the lip of cement, and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. My brain shut off, like it always did. “Insecurity quieted?” he asked.
I nodded and he kissed me again.
“Good,” he said with a smile, taking my hand in his. “I’m not going to get hurt, Hawaii. I’m sure as hell not going to let you get hurt. You just have to trust me.”
I sighed. “You’re kind of impossible not to trust, Leo.”
“Oh, so now you believe that I like you for more than the crazy good sex?” he teased.
“Yes.”
I cautiously stepped onto the ice with him and listened as he told me how to glide along, holding my hand as I carefully moved my feet, slowly getting the hang of it. When I felt ready to let go of his hand and move on my own, he skated backward, watching me, ready to catch me, until I got braver and asked him to spin me in a circle. He held both of my hands, taking me along for a ride wherever he went, releasing me and catching me again. The whole thing felt well outside of friends-with-benefits territory. It felt romantic and intimate, like we were dancing in a way that required even more trust, more connection.
I skated in a wide circle around Leo, looking up at the stands where I normally sat when Leo played, confident in my ability to stay upright as long as I kept moving. “What is it that you love so much about hockey?” I asked.
“At first, it was the adrenaline of the sport that I loved. Over the years, it became more. The challenge to better myself at something.The pride of being naturally gifted in a way other kids my age weren’t. Eventually, it was like I got as many life lessons on the ice as I did hockey lessons.”
I smiled at him. “Teach me one.”
He started skating around me in circles and I stopped to watch him. “Watch the ice with me, Hawaii.” He took my hand and pulled me toward him. “See what happens as we skate over it?”
“We scratch it,” I said.
“Exactly. The longer we’re out here, practicing and skating, the more we wear down the ice. But in the morning, they’ll come through with a Zamboni and wash away all those scratches. The ice will be good as new again.”
“Okay?”
“That’s what life is like. We learn new things, we try to grow, and we scuff some shit up along the way. When you’re on the ice, any marks you leave behind will get wiped away, and you’re left with the progress gained. If we pay more attention to the progress gained in life, and less to the scratches and imperfections in the past, then I think we have a better chance of waking up and doing better tomorrow.”
My eyes settled on him as he watched our feet moving with reverence.
“You really do love it out here, don’t you?” I asked.
His eyes locked on mine and his smile seemed sad. “I do.”
“I’m going to miss Boston when college is over,” I said. Really, I was going to miss him, but that felt like a truth I had no right to say out loud right now.
The corners of his lips dipped before a smile broke out on his face. “Then you better enjoy the hell out of it while you’re here.” He grabbedme by the hips and lifted me in front of him, spinning in slow circles as I squealed with my feet kicking in the air.
“Leo! You’re a hockey player! Do you even know how to do this? Lifts and spins are not part of hockey, as far as I can tell. I haven’t once seen you spinning Rickles around on the ice during a game.”
He laughed and set me down gently. “I took five years of figuring skating lessons when I was doing youth hockey. One of my coaches suggested it since the technique is different and it teaches you to handle yourself with precision on the ice. It’s a skill they don’t teach in hockey, but it can be a differentiator.”
“How high can you lift me?” I asked, adrenaline pumping at the thrill.
“I can lift you over my head, but you have to stay rigid so I can maintain control.”
“Let’s do it!” I said, wrapping my arms around him for another kiss.
Are you supposed to kiss your friend with benefits this much when you’re just hanging out?
Leo grinned and lifted me slowly while I tightened my muscles, marveling at the strength of his body and the smile on his face. He had me above his head, his eyes locked on mine with one hell of a grin on his face. He was enjoying himself so much that I could have stayed here for hours. He skated us around the whole edge of the rink before carefully setting me back on the ice and giving me a soft kiss. I deepened the kiss, getting lost in the way this whole evening had felt like a date and how much I’d loved it.Dating Leo Harrison, wouldn’t that be amazing? Too bad I know that’s not what we’redoing.
I pulled back from the kiss. “Can we have sex in the showers before you take me home?” I asked bravely.
