I already found it.
“Thanks, so do you,” I said as he turned to leave.
I turned on my sister once the door was shut. “You could have been nicer about it.”
“And you could have been direct. This way he can move on.” She took my hand. “Let’s go back to the pool. I’m going to order us a pizza for lunch and you’re going to send this book to Maggie.”
When did my little sister become better at managing my life than me?
“Hey, kid. I madeyou a margarita.” Kennedy stood next to the fire that Dad had just started. Everyone was inside cleaning up from dinner, and while I’d normally contribute, apparently being brokenhearted got you a pass because I’d come out here and no one had stopped me.
I smiled at her, noticing the swell of her stomach. She and Dad had told us before dinner that she was twenty weeks pregnant. It explained the tiredness and extra doting I’d seen recently, though Dad had always been prone to doting on Kennedy. Despite several miscarriages, spending years trying to get pregnant, and two failed rounds of IVF before their third attempt with the twins was successful, somehow Dad and Kennedy had gotten pregnant the old-fashioned way and she was expected to make it full-term.
I’d been thinking about what Elena had said earlier about leaving home, but if I did that now, I’d miss out on a baby sister—Izzy. And still, my desire to go back to Leo was all-consuming.
“What are you drinking?” I asked with a small smile.
Kennedy sat down on the couch next to me and shrugged. “Water. Your father and Eric are making me drink seven-hundred gallons a day.”
I laughed and took the margarita from her. “Well, thanks.”
I took a slow sip.
“Sophia, can we talk? Likereallytalk? Not the kind where I treat you gently and let you work through this on your own?” she asked, looking tired and serious.
“Sure,” I said.
It might be nice if one of them laid into me for once.
She took my hand and held it in her lap. “I think you made the biggest mistake of your life, Sophia.”
I snorted as my eyes filled with tears. “Gee, thanks. Don’t sugarcoat that or anything.”
I sniffled and she squeezed my hand.
“You already know you did,” she said gently before taking a deep breath. “When I was your age, I made the biggest mistake of my life. Honestly, more than one of them. So did your mom and your dad. And yes, we were all dealing with some heavy shit at the time. At twenty-two, you look like an adult and the world expects you to have it all figured out, but the truth is, you’re old enough to fall in love but young enough to still make misguided decisions.” She paused to take another breath. Her voice cracked slightly. “No onein this family knows better than me about the mistake of getting on a plane and never looking back—of not staying and fighting through my own fears for the man I loved.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I heard the pain in her words. It had been more than twenty years since she’d left my dad and the time they’d spent apart still ate at her in a way I was just beginning to understand. Everyone in her life had forgiven her for her past mistakes, but despite how much she tried, she’d never really forgiven herself for the time she’d lost with Dad. I’d been without Leo for two weeks and it was killing me. She’d left my dad for threeyears.
She continued, “I didn’t listen to Kat and Eric when they tried to tell me how much I fucked up back then. I shut everyone out and I spent years alone and in pain. So, I really need you to listen to me right now when I tell you that you’re fucking up, Sophia.”
I nodded, more tears falling. She swiped them away with her fingers.
“Tell me how you feel about Leo,” she said. “In your own words.”
“You know how I feel about him,” I said, my voice shaking. “I love him more than anything.”
“Are you willing to travel around the world for his hockey career if that’s what he needs? Are you willing to watch fifty games a year? Are you willing to build your life around his schedule? Are you willing to see less of us in order to be with him every day?”
“Yes,” I said, taking a gulp of air. “And it’s closer to ninety games.”
“Ninety?” she yelled, clearly shocked. “Well shit, that’s a lot more than I thought.”
“My answer is still yes,” I said, smiling slightly.
“Then what are you still doing here?” Kennedy asked softly. She took the margarita from me and set it on the ground, sliding closer to wrap her arms around my shoulders.
“I’m afraid,” I said, crying on her shoulder. “I’m afraid if I leave home and all of you to be with him that he’ll be right and I’ll resent him someday. Look how much you missed home when you were in LA.”
