But going home now meant leaving half of my family in Boston. Leo and his parents, Jace and his moms, they’d all become family too. How could I ever go back to Oahu and just forget that they were here, living a life that I was no longer a part of?
The people I loved lived five-thousand miles apart from each other and that felt like the most tragic thing in the world.
“Well, I guess this is it,” I said, forcing a smile as I lifted my eyes to Leo’s. Even to people walking by it must have been obvious that my heart was splitting into shreds because my voice trembled and my muscles quivered trying to keep the tears at bay.
“I know you have to go, but I don’t know if I can survive here without you,” Leo said, running the back of his hand over my cheek.
I could feel my resolve crumbling at the sadness in his eyes.
If he broke his promise right now and asked me to stay, I’d do it. I’d take the chance and hope we were strong enough to get through it. The days without him would be worth it for every single day I got with him.
I was worried he’d get on the plane with me before he’d ask me to stay. Perhaps him being so close to his family was our ultimate downfall. Someone else might not have understood what they were asking me to give up by leaving my family. But Leo knew, and he wouldn’t do it.
“You’re going to have girls beating down your hotel door in every city in no time,” I said, my voice cracking as the tears escaped and rolled down my cheeks.
Leo pressed his forehead to mine and swiped each one away with his thumbs. “I’ll turn down every single one until it’s you on the other side of that door.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head in the crook of his shoulder, allowing myself the comfort of his arms for a few more minutes.
So much for being strong.
“We’re not supposed to be apart, Hawaii,” Leo said, voice strained as he pressed his lips to my temple. “We’re just not.”
“I know,” I whispered. “If you asked me to stay—”
“No,” he said. “I love you, Sophia. I’ve never met anyone who loves their family the way you do. You’d resent me in no time.”
I nodded, shifting to rest my head against his chest. Being in his arms felt like where I needed to be, but I knew he wasn’t going to relent on this one. And neither was I. After the negative pregnancy test we’d made love all day and night, skipping all the campus events we’d planned to attend, all the while avoiding any mention of today. We’d gotten so good at ignoring it, I’d almost believed this wouldn’t have to happen.
I let go of him and looked at his tear-stained cheeks. I only had one chance to do this. To say goodbye and not look back. Because if I turned around for one more glance, I’d sprint right back into his arms. I could see it clear as day, like the perfect ending to a romcom, but I wasn’t writing this story, and the ending sure as hell wasn’t that satisfying.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and took a deep breath. “I love you so much, Leo. Thank you for showing me what fireworks feel like.”
He pulled me against his chest again, choking on a sob. “I’m not sure I’ll ever feel them again, Hawaii. But I love you too and I really hope you find them with someone else.”
I won’t.
I lifted my face to his for one last kiss, taking in the masculine scent I’d gotten used to and the soft way his lips covered mine, like they were apromise. He cupped my face, and I put one hand to his cheek, trying to memorize everything about how it felt to be his.
When I let go, I stepped back and smiled at him. “Goodbye, Leo.”
I turned around with my bag rolling behind me and walked to the security gate, never once looking back and all the while telling myself,it’s just not our time. Maybe someday, it would be. Maybe holding on to that possibility of a future would get me through this.
Chapter Forty-Six
Leo
Don’t turn around. Don’tturn around. Don’t turn around.
Sophia made her way to the security line, and I fell apart. Most of the people walking past me in the middle of the airport barely paid me any attention as I watched the love of my life show her ticket and ID to the TSA agent and disappear around the corner.
My shoulders shook with sobs and I covered my face, hoping Sophia wouldn’t look back at me. If she did, she’d see my heart breaking in a way I never could have imagined was possible. A pit formed in my stomach as a wave of panic washed over me, worse than the kind I got before a big game, and I forced my feet to take me to the bathroom. I threw up, clutching my stomach and crying on the floor of the airport bathroom before finally pulling myself up to sit on the seat and cry with my head in hands until I was capable of driving my car again.
When I was finally convinced that it had been long enough and Sophia couldn’t come back and find me, I stood up and splashed wateron my face at the sink, grateful that the only other guy in the bathroom averted his eyes, before walking back to my car.
Even knowing she’d be gone, it didn’t stop me from scanning every face in the airport, just in case.
I parked behind Harrison’s Bar and Pub, went inside, and sat at the bar. I must have looked like a mess—red-rimmed eyes, hair sticking up from pulling at it, and a T-shirt splattered with puke.
