I set her down beside me, grab a blanket and place it over her. Her feet lie in my lap, and I can’t help but to massage her while she watches what seems to be one of her favorite movies. My thoughts are elsewhere though, so I’m not able to focus.
My thoughts wander as my hands move over her feet on command. I know someone will try to come and get her, it’s only a matter of time. I’m still surprised no one has shown up yet, and that my father still has dots to connect. The spiral never ends, and my chest feels heavier with every new thought that forms.
Suddenly, lightning strikes right outside, filling the room like a flashlight for a split second before the thunder comes immediately afterwards.
Before I have the chance to react, Anastasia runs away, screaming like I’ve never heard someone scream and sits underneath my dinner table. I fly up from the couch, moving after her like there’s a string between us.
“What’s going on?” I ask, reaching for her.
More thunder comes and her eyes shut close, her hands covering her ears and her body rocking back and forth.
“Anastasia?” I say her name, but it’s almost like she can’t hear me, like she’s in some kind of trans. “Anastasia!” I try again as tears roll down her cheek, but no answer comes.
I crawl underneath the table where I barely fit and grab her, pulling her into my arms. “Shhh, everything will be okay,” I whisper, trying to guide her, distract her with my voice.
Helplessness crashes over me as I can’t seem to get in contact with her, and for the first time in my life, I would kill someone if it meant getting her out of this misery.
Chapter 11
Anastasia
I feel his hands on my body, the warmth of him spreading through me as his touch soothes me and calms the storm in my chest.
“Anastasia!” He says again, and I know the name belongs to me, but I can’t seem to answer the call.
It has always been like this, since I was a child. I don’t know what happened to make me fear thunderstorms like this, all I know is that the fear has always been with me, followed me like the shadow follows Peter Pan.
I want to open my mouth, I want to say something, let him know that his voice brings warmth, but I can’t. All I can focus on is the loud sounds coming from outside.
I don’t know for how long I sit under the table, all I know is that he’s there with me when the room quiets down, still holding me like he can’t lose me.
“Are you okay?” His voice breaks through the final piece of my current state.
I shrug before shaking my head, a deep sigh leaving me as I reach for him, needing to be closer again.
His arms wrap around me as I sit in his lap, both my arms around his neck as he lets me cry out every tear that needs to come.
“Breathe,” his tone is low as he strokes my back.
I try to, but it feels almost impossible.
“Tell me what happened,” he says calmly.
My mouth opens and closes again, the sobs too heavy to get any words out.
“Tell me, babydoll. Just breathe for me, okay. Can you do that?”
I nod before I get to think of an answer. “I’m scared,” I say, a hiccup leaving me at the same time.
He leans back and grabs my face. “Of what?”
“Thunderstorms,” I say, feeling ashamed for being afraid of something so dumb.
“It’s okay, you’re okay. And I’m here.” He says, looking into my eyes like he holds all the answers I’ve been searching for.
I reach for him again, needing him to hold me just a little longer. It feels good, and I will not even pretend I don’t like it, that this vulnerable side of him doesn’t make me fall a little deeper.
“Lets keep watching the movie, okay? I know it’ll make you feel better.” I nod again, feeling myself going nonverbal after my breakdown.
