Daytime starlight spilled into the room as Theo walked through the door, his massive frame barely making it through the threshold.
“That should be everything. I’ve left an emergency stash of coins behind that cabinet if you find yourself in a pinch during the winter. Don’t think twice, just use what you need,” Theo said as he did a final walk-through inspection. As if Mr. List wascapableof dropping the ball.
“I’ll pay it all back once I get my shop going,” Ida said confidently. The sewing trade seemed competitive in this town, but with her experience and history with the locals, she may have an advantage.
“You ready to hit the road?” Theo asked me, tightening the straps of his bag.
“Mhm.” I got up and gave Ida a big hug. Only fifty-ish days before I saw her again, but I’d grown so attached to myfriend, even that felt too long. I’d be spending the winter doing squats, leg lifts, and calf-ups in my cabin to make sure I was strong enough to make trips to Drifael on my own periodically—weather accommodating.
There were a lot of “don’t worry about me”s, and “next time we can”s, and “did you remember to grab your”s before we made it out the door. Most painfully of all, was the “take care of her” that was less than quietly whispered to Theo when he bent down to give Ida a hug. I was very intentionallynotputting a moral burden on him to stay with me. Hopefully his principled ass didn’t decide he owed Ida a debt, or my efforts just flew out the window.
As we approached the woods, Theo came to a halt. “Alright, Little Goddess. You ready to hitch a ride?” His arms opened expectantly.
I knew I’d only slow us down if I insisted on walking, and we were far past physical boundaries. I stepped to him and was scooped off my feet into his cradle. I tried to remind myself that this was strictly platonic. After all, he’d carried Ida the same way yesterday. Well… the way he clutched me to him was decidedly different. His hands weaved into my hair, spanned my hip, and held me tight against his chest. Okay, he hadn’t been carrying Ida like this.
“I’ve missed our time together,” he eventually said.
“The garden came together nicely.” I swerved away from the touchy-feely remark. “I’m well stocked for the winter. It’ll be nice to have hot stew sometimes instead of blackberries for every meal.”
His expression fell as he looked ahead. He’d probably expected me to return the sentiment. “I’m glad. Is there anything I can help with before I leave tomorrow?”
My teeth ground together so hard I thought they may shatter. I turned my head away from him and let my hair fall into my face, concealing the tears threatening to form. Not only did I miss him the last few days, but I was already mourning the loss of his company.
“Nothing comes to mind.”
Vivian
We got to the field shortly after starset thanks to Theo’s long, strong legs. I’d spent most of the day pretending to sleep, not wanting to fight tears the entire arduous journey. I was emotionally exhausted.
The cabin was dimly lit by a lantern in the bedroom and wood stove burning in the kitchen. Even though I’drepeatedlysaid he didn’t need to help anymore, Theo assigned himself some late-night tasks.
“That should be more than enough wood to get you through the winter,” he said, stepping around the partition wall and peeling his dirty shirt over his head.
My stomach knotted. Usually, this would be the point where I stripped off my clothing, tackled this larger-than-life god onto the mattress, and we became a violent tangle of limbs. I’d gotten comfortable initiating. Asking for what I wanted. Sharing my body with him… But I wasn’t sure my heart could take it tonight.
He sighed heavily when I didn’t respond. “Alright, darling.” He crawled on his hands and knees onto the mattress, lower fists gripping my ankles. “You’ve gotta tell me what the fuck is going on in that head of yours.”
“It’s just been a long day,” I lied.No coercion.
“You’re a bad liar.” He pulled my legs apart gently, crawling between them. “Talk to me.”
Ever so slowly, so carefully, he pushed me to my back and lay across me. His eyes were their non-feral walnut brown, his brow furrowed in concern. Despite the intimate positioning, he didn’t seem horny. That need I’d been helping him explore was absent. This was closeness for the sake of closeness.
“I’m tired,” I whispered, my voice fighting a tremble. Feeling him against me was the comfort I’d been craving and fighting against for days. I felt arousal collecting between my lips despite the energy being so solemn, my body responding to the familiar sensation of being pressed against Theo. “I’d like to go to bed.”
“That won’t do until you tell me what’s wrong, Vivian. Sorry, but I’m not letting you go to sleep like this. What do youneed?”
How the tables had turned. I usually had no problem asking for what I needed. Self-advocating was a strong suit of mine—there had never been anyone else around to speak up for me. This was the first time that I wasn’t my top priority. Was I any better than his previous employers if I asked him to give up everything for me? He’d just be living as a tool for somebody else. I wouldn’t let that happen.
I sniffled. “I need to be with you tonight.”
My willpower shattered for one final moment of connection. Despite the sobs catching in my throat, and the weight of the words left unsaid, I crashed my lips into his. I needed him so fucking badly. To feel his warmth. Be one with him. Pretend this could be forever. I’d already lost so much in my life. Why couldn’t I keep him?
He pulled away, his eyes still brown. No darkness. No transparent skin. His tattoos the same artificial gray. “I don’t think I can do what we’ve been doing tonight… I don’t want to be rough with you when you’re feeling like this.”
“Can you be inside of me without… fucking?” I asked.
“Only if you promise to talk to me.” He brushed a finger across my pout.
