“I didn’t either,” I said. “When my dad died. I just sort of… kept going. Took care of everyone else so I didn’t have to feel it.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“And how did that work out?” he asked.
I let out a small, humorless laugh. “Yeah, not brilliantly, as it goes.”
For a second or two, neither of us said anything.
“It changed everything,” I said. “He wasn’t just gone, everything else was different, too. The family, how we saw each other, how I saw myself.”
“You were so young when you lost him,” Liam said after a while.
“Yeah.” I sniffed, and he squeezed my hand briefly. “I think everyone was just… waiting for someone to say it was okay. And nobody did. So I just… got on with it. There didn’t seem to be another option.”
I glanced down at our hands, noticing how easily his fit around mine.
“I got used to being the one who didn’t need anything,” I said quietly. “I felt like… if I let someone else carry any of it, they might drop it. Or disappear. And then I’d have to survive it all over again.”
He shifted closer and drew me in against him, one arm around my shoulders. “And now?”
“Now I think I’ve just been making things harder than they need to be.”
“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve done that too.” His hand came up to the back of my head, and he stroked my hair.
“So maybe we don’t do that,” I said, my eyes filling up again. “Not with this. Neither of us.”
He didn’t answer straight away, but I felt him press his lips gently to my temple.
“So… what do we do, instead?”
I drew back slightly to look at him.
“We say it,” I said. “The things we don’t want to say. The things we’re scared of, the things that hurt.”
His thumb brushed under my eye, catching a tear before it could fall.
“All right,” he said quietly. “We’ll do it together.”
Chapter 56
Andrea
It was snowingoutside. Wham!’s “Last Christmas” was blaring over the speakers, and the whole of the pop-up ski lodge was full of light and people.
“It was most kind of you to open this to friends and family, Liam,” said Monish, pulling Priya onto his lap and reaching for a mince pie.
“They really have turned it into a magical alpine retreat.” James glanced around at the pine trees and twinkling fairy lights. “I must say, I prefer this new leadership approach. Less Patrick Bateman, more Ted Lasso.”
“Glad you approve,” Liam said. He dropped an arm around my back and pulled me close to him.
“It’s nicer than I expected, actually.” Bonnie was already onto her third hot spiced cider, and her nose had a Rudolph look about it. Her eyes drifted toward the bar. “Oh, Big G’s here,” she said, almost to herself.
“Did she just sayBig G?” James asked under his breath.
Across the room, Gerald was trying to get the bartender’sattention. Then he looked over to the table and raised both thumbs at Bonnie with a smile.
“What the fuck—?” mouthed Kelly. “Does she mean…Gerald?”
