I felt myself grow cold.This isn’t a good idea, Eliza. It’s dangerous. You don’t even know Christian, not really. And you’ve never been to Asia—anything couldhappen.
“Be sensible,” I said. “You’re clever, and you’re good at law. Really good.”
“This isn’t your life, Andy, it’s mine. And just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you should do it, or that it’s going to make you happy.”
“But… you were the best in your class at English. How can you think of wasting your talent?”
“Like you have?”
The words stung like a slap.
“LikeIhave? You mean putting my art to one side so I could make sure you got the support you need?”
“I never asked you to be my mum. Or my career adviser.”
“Yourmum?” Wow. “Yeah, right. You didn’t actually ask. But you didn’t complain when I was putting a roof over your head and making sure you got to uni on time because yourhead’s barely even screwed on. I stepped in with support because someone had to.”
Like Dad would have done, if he’d beenhere.
Or maybe Mum… if she’d been ableto.
“Andy, I know I’ll always be about eleven to you, but I’m much more capable than you think. I know what I want. You’re the one whose life is in the shitter.”
“My life is not in the shitter!”
“Okay.”
“It’s not.”
She looked at me. “You know, Andy, you insist on doing everything, even when people don’t want you to. You always smooth it all over, like nothing can ever be messy. It’s like you think that’s winning at life, or something. Well, it’s not. It’s about having the guts to know what you want and then doing it. Nobody asked you to give up your art. You decided to drop it and tell yourself it was for me so you could justify giving up anyway. Because you were always scared that if you tried, you might fail.”
“I’m not scared,” I said. “That’s not—”
“Are you sure?” She looked down at her phone but didn’t open it.
“Stop trying to make it about me.”
“I’m just telling you something you already know. That’s why you don’t like hearing it. And it’s the same with you and Liam.”
“What? This is nothing like Liam and me.”
“It’s exactly like you and Liam. He adores you, and you adore him. It’s so damn obvious, the way he looks at you. You’ve been in bits since all this happened, I know you never stop thinking about him. But you’re so scared that maybe if you care too much, maybe if you love someone for real insteadof just looking after them like a stray cat, it might not work out, and then you’ll be fucked, so you’ve pushed him away.”
I felt my eyes start to sting.
“That’s not true,” I said quietly.
“It is, Andy. But if you don’t want to know, that’s up to you.” Eliza slid her phone open and started to scroll. “Just… don’t try to make me feel guilty for living the life I’m meant to lead just because you’re not living yours.”
Chapter 48
Andrea
The elevator washeading up, and I pulled my bag a little tighter against me. I still wasn’t a huge fan of lifts, but I could handle it if someone was in there with me. This morning, there was only me and Roger from accounts going up.
Unfortunately, he didn’t look like the kind of person who’d joke about penis graffiti and asses if we got stuck in there together.
The doors opened onto the fourth floor, and I walked over to my desk and powered up my laptop just as my phone pinged.
