Then, a memory came chasing after me, one that had always hid in plain sight. One summer night, when the air was sticky from the heat and the crickets were working tirelessly, Maggie and I snuck out and went roaming around Rolling Meadows. We talked for hours about our lives, our dreams, and what we truly wanted. I’d been sad for what felt like forever. I didn’t remember having any big dreams or goals, I just remembered saying if I could choose one thing, I’d choose to be happy.
And in this moment, I thought what I was feeling was happiness, or at least the introduction to it.
“Whew,” I breathed, fidgeting with my now wild hair as Stetson propped open the truck door, giving me a steady arm for support as I climbed in.
He strolled in front of the headlights, his all-black outfit blinding in the bright light, but in spite of the contrast, I couldn’t look away. He removed his backward baseball cap, running his fingers through his hair, before turning it forward and plopping it back down on his luscious brown hair.
He carried himself so calmly; his shoulders dropped and his chest proud. Meanwhile, the incessant tapping of my foot echoed through the truck cab while my finger found the familiar cold piece of metal circling it.
My thoughts had started to blur lines, because I’d be lying if I said I was hoping the night would end here.
“I know I’ve already asked this, but are you sure you’re okay? You seemed a little out of sorts, even before Zane showed up,” he stated, taking the gear shift in his hand.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “It’s just been a day.” I threw my head back onto the headrest. His truck had a panoramic sunroof, making me feel up close and personal with the stars. “Thankfully, this view helps. You can’t get this anywhere else.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” he responded.
“Stars are so wild to me. They literally go on forever, and without them our night skies would be nothing but darkness. Isn’t that crazy?” I asked.
“Yeah. Can you imagine how dark our world would be if it weren’t for the billions of stars that show up each night, using their shine to light up someone else’s. They’re kind of like someone else I know.”
I shifted my head off the headrest and turned to look at him, his eyes focused straight ahead. “No wonder you’re country music’s biggest thing.”
My comment forced him to turn his attention to me briefly. “Why is that?”
It was my turn to compliment him.
“You string words together so naturally, giving a deeper meaning to them in one fell swoop. It’s addicting to listen to what you have to say, especially when our conversations go deeper than surface level.” I breathed. “I’ve noticed that about you and your songs—they’re not just lyrics, they’re strands of wisdom married together with a melody.”
“Well, damn. That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” he said, mocking my compliment in an obvious defense mechanism.
He might appear cocky and confident on the outside, but underneath, he was just as bad as the rest of us at taking a compliment.
“I’m serious, Stetson,” I pushed, trying to pull back his outer layer again. “You truly are a star, and I think you’re only going to shine brighter after you release this new album. It’s been incredible having a front-row seat to this journey of yours.”
“Well, you know what they say?” he asked. I rolled my shoulders down and back, waiting for his next witty response, assuming a deeper conversation wasn’t in the cards for the car ride home. “The light can only shine through after you’ve shattered, and unfortunately I’ve done that more than once in my life.”
There it is again.
The brutal honesty and raw vulnerability I’d grown quite fond of.
“Hm.” I sighed. “I’ve never thought about it like that, but damn, that’s good.”
He nodded. “After my dad passed, I turned to my music in a way that allowed me to run from all the pain and grief instead of actually dealing with it. Hence the excessive partying, thedrunken videos, and all the random girls. It didn’t help that I was a young, stupid, immature kid that had just been handed his dreams on a silver platter.”
“But look how far you’ve come since then,” I validated, wanting him to be fully aware that I recognized the strength and courage it took to show up like this. “And even more than that, look how you’ve grown from your grief this time. Choosing a much harder but better path, if I do say so myself.”
“But that’s just it, when I lost Jackson a year ago, the pain and grief were different. The tragic circumstances surrounding his death didn’t help either.” He shuddered. I feared the memory itself was enough to cause him pain, which made me want to reach over and touch him. “There were days—hell, maybe even weeks—when I was sure the darkness was going to drown me, and if I’m being honest, there were times I wished it would’ve.” He shifted his weight in his seat, the confession seeming to make him a bit uncomfortable. “But then I had to take a long hard look in the mirror because I wasn’t just living for me anymore, and I had to decide what kind of man I was going to be. It was only then that I knew if I had any chance of pulling myself from the depths, I couldn’t go back to the lifestyle from before, because I knew damn well it would’ve absolutely killed me. I had to do something different, so I did.”
“You mean you weren’t just living for yourself anymore because of Ruby?” I asked.
“Uh-huh.” He bobbed his head up and down as his hand rushed to his face. It was dark, so I couldn’t see exactly what he was doing, but I could only assume he was swiping away a fallen tear. The thought alone was heartbreaking.
Without thinking, I reached out to touch his forearm that rested on the center console. I was desperate to give him some form of comfort. I gave a squeeze before pulling away, except Ididn’t get too far before he snatched my hand, entangling our fingers like vines on a branch.
“Well, I’m proud of you,” I breathed out. “I know how hard it can be to find the light after spending so much time in the dark, especially when closing your eyes and giving in to the darkness seems easier.”
He took his eyes off the road for a split second, just long enough to meet mine. A sense of understanding coursed between us; his tight compression on my hand confirming it.
