“Congratulations, Delilah.” Do I emphasize her full name to poke at Brad? Maybe. “You deserve all the happiness in the world.”
She wipes a tear from the corner of her eye and wraps her arms around my waist. “Thank you for being here. You made this night even more special.”
“Nothing could have kept me from being here for your birthday. I’ll let you get back to your guests. I’m feeling a little worn out from the flight and I need all my energy for our dog walking adventure tomorrow.”
Brad frowns over her shoulder but doesn’t say anything. What’s he got against dogs?
“I can’t wait. I’m going to snuggle the puppies so hard. They might not let me come back. Seriously, that’s how much cuddling I plan to do. I’m going to spoil the shit of those doggos.”
“Bye, Delilah. Happy birthday.”
The grief starts to press down on me like weighted plates sitting on my chest during the drive home as tonight forces me to think of all the things brother will never get to experience, and all of the things that I’ll never get to experiencewithhim. l’ll never see Jarrett propose to the love of his life or stand next to him as she walks down the aisle. I’ll never get to hold his children in the hospital and tease him that they got their good looks from their uncle.
The aching desire to call him and tell him about Delilah closes in on me. I want to ask him what I should do. It’s a nagging thought I’ve had countless times since meeting her. He was the person I would go to when I needed to talk things out. But that was taken away from both of us and I’m still so mad at him, at the world.
When I get home, I settle into the couch and open up the folder of pictures on my phone of Jarrett and me. Every day without him feels like a battle against a deep dark sea of despair that tries to suck me under, but these significant life milestones make the black waves crash harder against my heart and leave me fighting for breath.
Flipping through the photos, I get lost in my memories—all the time we spent together at the ballpark, or in the garage building my Bronco together as teens. Remembering the way he was always playing pranks on me, or how his smile was the brightest in any room. He could make anyone laugh. Everyone loved being around him. He and Delilah would have been thick as thieves. God, the two of them would have been so much fun together, so full of life and joy.
I would give anything to have him back so I could introduce the two of them. I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes, feeling my emotions threaten to overwhelm me.
Closing out the folder, I stop the downward spiral before I can fall back down into that pit of despair. With a harsh exhale, I set the phone face down on the coffee table and walk to my master bathroom to shower and get ready for bed.
Chapter 6
HBD Bestie
Flashback- Two Years Earlier
The next morning I absentmindedly spin my engagement ring around my finger as I wait for Cruz to pick me up fromBuns & Roses. Covering a yawn with the back of my hand, I consider adding another shot of espresso to my coffee. Brad and I stayed out later than I would’ve liked to celebrate our engagement with his friends and co-workers.
By the time we got back to his place, it was after midnight and I was here at four-thirty this morning to bake so that I could go walk dogs with Cruz for my birthday. Even though I’m tired, I know the puppies will re-energize me.
Cruz has volunteered at Saving Paws with the team before and set this up because he knows I love dogs. Since owning a coffee shop isn’t exactly conducive to taking care of a fur ball, volunteering is as close as I can get to having one of my own, so I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks.
An engine rumbles outside as Cruz’s forest-green Bronco pulls up to the curb, stopping in front of the store. He comes around the front with a big smile and a familiar gift bag in his hand. Brad was so busy parading me around last night after the proposal to show off the ring he picked out that I never got to open my present.
Cruz stops in front of me, extending his arm, letting the gift bag dangle between us. With a goofy smile that makes his dimples stand out, he asks, “Are you ready to walk some dogs?”
He looks so worry-free and happy at this moment. It’s a better present than anything he could buy me. I didn’t know Cruz before he lost his brother, but I like to think that this is him in his natural state. All dimples and lightheartedness.
“You have no idea. This might be the best birthday ever,” I say enthusiastically, my eyes glued to his instead of the gift bag.
“Sit, we’ve got time.” Cruz nods toward the table I just stood from. “Relax for a minute and open your gift.”
I slide back into the seat and pass Cruz’s usual order across the table to him. “One iced coffee.”
“And one birthday gift for the birthday girl. I’m sorry I bolted so early last night.” His lips pull down in a frown as he hands the bag across the table.
“Cruz, you chartered a flight home so you could be there for me. There’s absolutely nothing to apologize for. You showing up at all was the best surprise ever.”
He raises an eyebrow and glances down at my left hand, which is currently twirling the ribbon attached to the gift bag, his eyes snagging on the diamond there.
“That wasn’t really a surprise. I mean—it was a little, but I suspected he was going to do it last night. We’ve been talking about it for years. Since making partner, he’s been dropping hints.” I lift my coffee to my mouth to stop my rambling. Talking about this shouldn’t make my stomach flip with nerves, but my relationship isn’t something that Cruz and I talk about often. And the way he’s studying me makes my head swim with uncertainty.
“And youarehappy? Right?” Cruz’s eyebrows pull together as he continues looking at me like he can see something that I don’t.
“Of course, we’ve been together forever. He loves me and he is going to make a wonderful husband.” I clear my throat, wanting to change the subject. I gesture to the gift bag, hoping to break the tension. “Should we open this thing?”
