This is probably how resonance works, I'm realizing. It just beats you down until the person you're attached to doesn't seem nearly as dire as resisting, and you eventually just get it over with. Ugh. My mood sours all over again and the hut falls quiet.
"Jason doesn't hunt," Valmir comments, lifting one piece of fish from the coals it’s propped over. He holds it by the end of the skewer and considers the meat, then offers it to me.
I take it from him, but I'm not following his conversation. "What about Jason?"
"He. Doesn't. Hunt." Valmir enunciates each word as if I'm stupid.
"Okaaaay?" I nibble on the flesh of the fish and he's got it cooked just how I like it — the meat is thick enough to hold together on the skewer, but not rubbery. It flakes apart as I bite, and the seasoning he sprinkled on is perfect. I'm not going to tell him any of this. It'll just make his head swell. But it's a pretty good meal over a fire, all things considered. "Why do I care what Jason does, Valmir?"
"You don't like hunting creatures," he says. "You are strong and clever, though."
I mock-toss my hair. "You think I'm clever?"
"Clever enough not to get yourself killed," he says grudgingly. "You don't have to be a hunter. It might be enough that you are an explorer, or an artist like the one who makes the pots."
"Bridget," I murmur, thinking about the fired clay she's constantly fussing with. More of her vessels break than survive, but her enthusiasm never wavers no matter how many failures she has.
"Or Juth's mate. The one with the big—" He gestures in front of his chest.
I arch an eyebrow.
"—opinions." His hands drop and he smirks at me like a naughty child. "Or J'shel's mate. I never see that one leaving camp. No one is bothered by the fact that these individuals do not hunt. They have made their own path. You can do the same."
Making a face at him, I take another bite of food. A bit of the 'onofish falls off my skewer and I catch it in my hand. Unfortunately, it's the hand that's been petting Makana, and now it probably has animal germs. This means it now belongs to my pet. Makana sniffs my fingers with interest, and I offer the tidbit to him, watching as he lifts his oversized, heavily furred feet and cradles the bit of fish as he nibbles on it.
And I think about what Valmir is saying.
It's a pep talk, of course. I'm telling him about my fear of not fitting in and he's trying to reassure me that not everyone has to be awesome in this tribe. That no one will judge me if I'm not a fierce badass. "I'm not crafty, though. All the people you mentioned are crafty. Hannah spends all her time organizing the herb supply and helping Veronica with the healing stuff. Bridget makes pottery. Steph, well, she talks a lot, but she's also got a young kid and watches a lot of the other ones while everyone else goes hunting."
He gestures at me, then reaches over to turn the other piece of fish that's still roasting. "All things you can do."
Now I'm annoyed. Is he trying to fit me into the mold of what he thinks a woman should do? "What, just because I'm a girl I automatically become a healer or a babysitter?"
"Don't females like babies?"
I don't hate them, but his generalization bugs me. "Ugh, fuck you. I knew you sucked."
"I do notsuck," Valmir says indignantly. His ears flatten. "I am trying to ease your mind, female."
"It doesn't want easing, pussycat! I don't want you solving my problems for me. If it was as simple as talking it through, don't you think I would have done that already?" I point a finger at him and decide to flip the conversation around. "What about you? Are you hunting and fishing because it's what you think everyone wants you to do? Big strong tater needs to show his strength to everyone else?"
"Yes." He doesn't even blink.
I make an aggravated sound in my throat. "And that's what you want to do with your life? Hunt and fish and run up and down trails?"
"Yes."
I scoff at him, because he's making this all sound far too simple and it's anything but. "You mean to tell me if you couldchoose anything you wanted, you'd still pick being a hunter? No other ideas come to mind at all?"
Valmir leans in over the fire. His voice drops a low, husky note. "If I could choose anything I wanted, April, I'd bend you over those furs and make you my mate once and for all."
The breath escapes my throat. I stare at him.
Well.
He blinks at me with those calm, catlike eyes, the blue in them brighter than the fire flickering in the firepit. "But those are not the rules you have established. What is next on your list of challenges I must face?"
I talked about this one with Dawn late last night, when we were lying in our furs and staring up at the ceiling, thinking about this world, and mates, and everything else. We'd joked and brainstormed things for Valmir to retrieve for me. "A flower. A perfect flower."
