"Everything okay, April?" she asks in a quiet voice. "I worry about you."
"I'm just overheated," I lie, hoping she doesn't ask about the blankets I have piled on my legs. "How was the feast?"
"Oh, it was really good. I'rec and Flor are so happy. They're just radiating joy. It was really sweet. You could tell the feast meant a lot to her, and it was so thoughtful of him. He really listens to everything she says. May we all be so lucky."
"Mm," I say, thinking of my lack of luck in this particulararea. Flor gets an attentive guy she adores, and I get a prickly cat gladiator who wants to jizz on my doorway for "reasons."
"How are you doing?" Dawn asks, sinking down onto her pallet across from mine. "You don't seem like yourself. Do you need me to leave?"
I run a hand over my face. How do I tell my well-meaning friend that I'm exhausted because I've made myself come until I'm sore with rubbing, and yet I don't feel sated? That I've been working hard to figure out how to move forward into this new life only to find it being completely changed on me all over again? That I'm being drawn to the most unlikeable person in the universe against my will and it makes me feel helpless? "I don't know what to do. I'm miserable."
Dawn clears her throat delicately. "Not to be a jerk, but youdoknow what to do. Resonance is clear. You just...don't want to do it."
I glare at her, eyes glowing in the darkness of the hut. "Would you fuck him?"
"Absolutely not."
"Hence my dilemma." I throw my hands up in the air. "I'm still figuring out how to survive here as a single person. A clone. A person who needs their background history filled in. I could be glitching, just like my language chip is."
"Your translator is glitching?" Dawn looks concerned.
"It's either the translator or my brain. Feels like half the words in my head don't make sense to it." I shrug. "My point is…how am I supposed to just about-face and set up house with a stranger when everything that was familiar — even my brain — is wiped away? Resonance feels like a curveball I didn't ask for."
Dawn's glowing eyes blink in the darkness. "Everyone has had to figure out the same thing. I know it doesn't sound sympathetic, but I promise you, it is. None of the humans are native to this place, so every person we meet has gone through the samething or knows someone who has. Maybe go make some friends? Talk to someone who's been here a long time and went through the exact same thing?"
Talk to someone with more experience? "Like...Liz?"
She snorts. "Only if you want her to make you feel like an idiot. She's good at giving orders but not great at empathy. I was thinking more along the lines of Steph, or even Veronica. Better yet, ask around and find out who hated their guy when they first got together and how they handled that."
It's good advice. "I can do that."
"Do it in the morning," she says with a yawn. "Everyone's drunk on sah-sah tonight, and you'll probably feel better if you sleep on things anyhow. Who knows, maybe you'll wake up in the morning with a new appreciation for Valmir?"
I narrow my eyes at her. "No one sleepsthathard."
CHAPTER 5
APRIL
I wakeup the next morning and stare at the ceiling of the hut with a vague sense of horror. I'm aching and needy, my skin wildly sensitive. Even the touch of my leathers against my body feels like too much. This isn't going to be fun. At all. My hope that I'd feel things a little less strongly in the morning has evaporated. Everyone has mentioned some chick from the other tribe named Josie who held out for a month against resonance, and I figured her achievement gave me hope.
Twelve hours in, however, I suspect she was numb below the waist, because sweet baby Jesus, this is terrible.
My hand immediately steals between my thighs, and I'm soaked. I'm tempted to make myself come, but Dawn is right there a few feet away, sleeping with her hand on her cheek. I can't do this right here. That's just creepy. I pull on my clothing as quietly as I can and steal out of the hut, determined to find some alone time.
I head down the beach, veering away from the main part of the settlement. I'm looking for a nice, rocky spot with a lot of hiding places where I can tuck myself away from the bustle of the morning and just...rub one out. Or rub three out. Or a dozen. With every step I take, the number goes up.
No sooner do I reach the sandy high tidemark near the water than Valmir jogs up to my side. I bite back a groan and glare at him, even as my khui hums loudly with joy at his nearness. "Must you?"
"Must I what?"
"Must you follow me around?"
He shrugs, unbothered by my tone. "You're leaving scent trails all over the beach. Anyone could sniff you out."
"Gross. We're not doing this right now, for the record." I point between him and me. "I want some time alone and you aren't invited."
"So you can touch yourself? I can smell your cunt."
