Oh, she knows exactly what I’m talking about. I see the guilt on her face. “Lucas told me you wanted to hookup at a party. Described in detail what you wanted to do to him. And he refused.”
Claudia rolls her eyes and flippantly says, “That was years ago. Who cares now?”
“I do.” High school feels like a lifetime ago, but this information is fresh to me, so I care. A lot.
She gives me a look as if to sayseriously?“I can’t remember what happened.”
“You knew how much I liked him. There wasn’t a day that went past that I didn’t talk to you about him. Why would you do that behind my back?”
“You always had a sick obsession with him. It’s no surprise you finally got your wish,” she says, avoiding the question.
Tiny pricks trickle up and down my spine. I hate that she’s brushing this off as nothing. If I had found out about this back then, it would have been a big deal. Maybe big enough to end our friendship. I would never have forgiven her.
“Why did you hit on him?” I want an answer.
Tossing her hands up, she says, “He kept flirting with me. Asking me to dance. Getting me drinks. I was drunk. Who wouldn’t want to fuck the hottest guy in school? When I saw him head to the bathroom, I followed him. I wouldn’t have tried anything if I was thinking clearly. It would have ruined our friendship, and I’d never jeopardize it for a boy. You’re not upset with me, are you?” She gives me a pleading look as if asking for forgiveness.
Deep down in my gut I know she’s lying. In one breath she tells me she doesn’t remember anything, and in the next she’s telling me how she followed him into the bathroom. And seems to remember the night vividly. Except Lucas mentioned nothing about getting her drinks and asking her to dance. Yet I believe his story over Claudia’s. Something in my gut doesn’t sit right.
For now, I let it go. Is there any point dredging up the past? What’s done is done. She was a teenager who made a mistake.
“No, I’m not upset with you. Just curious,” I say.
“Why is Lucas bringing that night up? Does he want to cause trouble between us?”
“Why would he do that?”
She shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe he gets a kick out of other’s misery. This is why you need to leave. We don’t really know him.”
“I think you’re wrong about him wanting to cause trouble. It just came up in conversation, that’s all.”
Claudia gives me a skeptical look.
“Anyway, I’ve already decided it’s time to move out,” I say.
The thought sits heavy on my chest, crushing the air from my lungs. Why does walking away from Lucas feel wrong? Why does everything inside me want to spend every minute I can with him? The answer is within reach. But I’m not ready to grab on to it. Not when nothing has changed between us.
We’re friends who are fake dating. Nothing more.
“Excellent. I’ll help you pack. The sooner you’re out of here, the better.” She stands. “Where’s your room?”
I’m sharing Lucas’ room. Even though Claudia knows we’ve slept together, my gut is telling me not to tell her our sleeping arrangements. Will she read too much into it? Ask questions I’m not ready to answer?
Like she can read my mind—or my facial expression gives it away—she narrows her gaze. “You’re sleeping in his room, aren’t you?” She blows out an exasperated breath. “What are you doing? Sex with him is one thing, but to share his bed every night is something deeper. Are you falling for him?”
Flicking my gaze in the direction of Lucas’ office, I focus on keeping my voice down. I don’t want him overhearing this conversation. “I’m not sure how I’m feeling. All these years I hated him and now… Well, now that I know the truth, and we’ve spent so much time together, things are shifting into—”
Claudia tosses her head back and scoffs. “Oh God. Please don’t say love.” She screws her nose up in disgust.
What is her problem with Lucas? For the first time ever it makes me not want to talk to her about this kind of stuff. We have always been open about the crushes we’ve had, the men we’ve dated, relationships we’re in. But with the hostility vibrating off her, I want to keep things to myself, yet I feel because of our close friendship I have to give her something.
“I was going to say, shifted into more than friends. I just don’t know what. He hasn’t mentioned if he’s feeling the same way.”
“Lucas Alessi is a player. Because he’s committed to this ‘fake relationship’ bullshit, he can’t play his usual game. So guess what you are?” She doesn’t give me time to answer. “You’re his live-in sex toy. Why would he give you more when you’re giving him everything he wants without leaving the apartment?”
If she’d stuck a dagger in my chest, I’d be less surprised. Where is this cruelty coming from? I’ve never seen this side of her before. So harsh and unforgiving. Once I could confide in Claudia with everything; now I feel I’m being judged.
“I shouldn’t have mentioned anything,” I say. “You obviously have issues with Lucas, and you’ll never see what I do.” A man who has stopped his life for me. One who has cared and protected me and opened up his home.
