“You were the one to suggest it.” She wrapped her arms around her middle, trying to hold herself together.
“I was wrong, I shouldn’t have. My lifestyle isn’t easy. Throw in the disguise and it’s impossible to have a normal life. I’ve never been able to commit to anyone because I’ve had to lie about what I do for a living. But even though you know about everything, our life together would be too hard, and it would eventually make you miserable. I couldn’t hurt you like that.”
But he was hurting her now, the cracks in her heart growing bigger the more he spoke. “You won’t even try?”
He shook his head. “You’d only end up hating me. I couldn’t live with that.”
God, she almost did what she promised him she wouldn’t do. I will not cry and chase after you when you leave. But that’s exactly what she wanted to do.
Barely holding it together, she nodded. Her throat was so tight she couldn’t speak. She turned away, unable to watch him walk out the door.
* * * *
Nate paused at his car and then kicked the tire. Dammit, he was the biggest arsehole on the planet. He’d hurt the one person he cared for the most.
He wanted to go back inside, pull her into his arms, and kiss her like there was no tomorrow. She’d probably kick him out before he had the chance. After the way he rejected her, he deserved it.
So before he could change his mind, he got into his car and drove away. It was for the best. She needed a man who could give her one hundred percent. Not someone who’d come and go whenever there was a break during touring.
Yes, it was for the best. So why did he feel like something had shot him in the chest?
Chapter 29
The phone in Nate’s pocket buzzed the second he walked into his apartment in Manhattan. He dug it out and saw Toby’s name lit up on the screen. Feeling too drained to talk to anyone, he wanted to let it go to voicemail. He’d just spoken to Toby two days ago at his grandmother’s house. But what if it was important? What if it had something to do with Fi-Fi or Jade?
He slid his finger across the screen to answer the call. “Toby, is there a problem?”
“Yes, there’s a problem. It’s Jade,” his friend answered.
At the mention of her name Nate’s fingers tightened around the phone and his heartbeat raced. “What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
“You happened. What the fuck did you do to her? I told you I’d kick your arse if you hurt her. And I’m tempted to get on the next plane out there to do just that.” Toby’s anger vibrated through the phone.
“You’ve seen her?”
“Yes, I’ve seen her. Only because I threatened to break down her door if she didn’t let me in. I can’t believe you fucking left her. She’s a mess.”
Nate sunk down on the nearest couch, placed his elbows on his knees, and dropped his head in his free hand. “She’ll be okay.” Give her time and she’d forget all about him.
“How the hell do you know? You broke her heart and took off before you saw the damage you did.”
A cold tightness invaded his chest. “I tried not to hurt her. I explained why I had to leave. My lifestyle isn’t good for a relationship.”
“Then change your lifestyle. You hate it anyway,” his friend spat.
“Toby, you know why—”
“Yeah, I know, you’re keeping your father’s memory alive. Great. But what did he do for you besides teach you how to play guitar when he had a spare five minutes once every six months? Hardly Father of the Year to hold in such high esteem. He was a shit parent. I’m sorry to say that, but you need to hear it. And you’re putting him before someone who loves you and would do anything for you. Someone who handed you her heart. Someone I know you love too. But you left the best thing to ever happen in your life. And if you can’t see that, then you deserve to be miserable.”
With that, the phone went silent. Toby hung up.
Nate threw it at the wall, shattering it into pieces, and shoved his fingers through his hair. What the hell does Toby know? But Nate had told him enough about his childhood for him to understand what his life had been like.
He rose and paced the room. As a kid, Nate rarely saw his parents. And when he did, it was brief. And so, when his father told him that one time that he loved him, it was like winning the lottery.
When Jade asked him to stay, she hadn’t said she loved him. But he could see it shining from her eyes. Could feel it the last time they’d made love. And that was better than winning the lottery. She’d handed him the world. And he rejected her by walking away.
It was time to stop living his life for other people—people who were never in his life enough to deserve such devotion—and do what made him happy. Be with who made him happy.
