"D...don't care 'bout losing me."
A frown gathers across my stubbled face
"What do you mean?Of course I care."
"'L...Lias."
My name's no longer a plea on her lips, instead it's indignation.I'm no young buck, but the way she's wrapped around my heart and invalidates everything we've gone through has a crack splitting my chest in two.
"Don't," I warn.
"Don't what, Elias?You know the truth.It's time to stop living in delusion and recognize what this is."
"The truth?At what point do you figure the truth stopped—" My throat clamps as if I'm allergic to the words and anaphylactic shock threatens to set in.
Fuck...FUCK.
After a few long seconds, the pressure releases and I suck in a breath which fills my lungs so fully my diaphragm reaches my belly button.
When will she finally hear me, feel the conviction behind my words, or let her walls down enough to believe there's someone that cares for her?Any time anyone tries, she refutes them.
In small increments, the hope I have continues to fall away.Straws I grasp for slip between my fingers, just like she is.
Glancing to the side, I rake my hands through my disheveled hair for the hundredth time and finally say what I've been putting off for too long.If she still decides this life isn't meant for her, at least she will know she made a difference, even if it’s just for me.
"I love you, Sadie."
A metric ton of strain chains me to the chair.The silence is no better despite being drowned out by the mechanical whirr and beeps of machinery recording her every move.
My ears burn along with the side of my face as I refuse to look at her.That would make everything too real, too raw for what I'm capable of comprehending.And if not me, her.
I'm an idiot.I...I could have said this shit once we got home and she wasn't tied to a bed, unable to run from word vomit she doesn't want to hear.I don'tlove.At least not like other people do, with grand gestures, gifts, or words.I'm a man of action.And the last person I truly loved left me behind.
Maybe Sadie and I aren't so different after all.I'm only better at managing it, and as of late, I'm losing my grip on everything like she is.If she'll let me, I’ll show her.I'll prove every day that she's it for me.She's mine, I'm hers, and I'll do whatever it takes to show her how helplessly in love I am with her.
"You don't love me.You love the idea of me.Not the girl who never stops wanting to die."
Weight finally slams into me, dragging my head forward where it hangs between my shoulders as unsure hands fidget with each other.I knew she'd deny it—reject what I've laid out on the table for her to hear.What I didn't realize is how bitter her jilt would make me feel.
"Goddammit.I do.Fuck, I do, Sadie.I love you so much it scares the hell out of me.I don't know what else to do to show you how lost I'd be without you."The words tumble out desperately.
"'L...lias."Her breath comes quicker but still pained.Those perfectly manicured brows of hers pinch as she closes her weary eyes.Unable to listen to me, to believe what I’ve said.
I can't take this shit anymore.
Grabbing her hand, I force my fingers between hers as the soft restraint pulls snug.Damn things have been in the way for a week.Seven days of thick blue cotton-wrapped foam cuffs velcroed around her wrist, blocked me from reaching the weak flutter of her artery.
The chair scrapes across the floor when I shoot up from the cushion.Aggravation rolls off of me in waves as I tower over her prone form.Before I can stop myself, I grab her chin and wrench her face in my direction.If I have to hurt, pour my soul out for her to understand, then shewilllook at me when I do it.
"You've burrowed so deep into me, I no longer know where you end and I begin.You've done nothing but fester there and ruin me.Clawed your way into a heart that hasn't beat for anyone in years.So, if you think I'm ever going to let you go, you're sorely mistaken.If I have to follow you into hell, I will.Because, you, Sadie Aurora Wilson.Are.Mine.And I will always love you."
"Liar!"she screams, spittle launching from her too dry lips.The energy in her reaction almost makes me smile.Almost.
Her back bows as she twists her arm, trying to wrench away from me.Sucks for her.I won't let go.Not now, not again, not ever.Yank all she wants, giving in would put the both of us in a hole and I’ve not had near enough time with her.
For the first time in days, her skin warms against mine; rage boiling just below the fragile layer of flesh.When she can't get away, her piercing, heart-shattering cries bellow into the room.Try as she might, her exhausted body is no match for the stout hospital bed she's confined to.Every jerk and scream drives my stomach off the nearest emotional cliff, nosediving into oblivion, but I don’t let go.Not even when she runs out of breath and collapses with fatigue.
On her other side, the IV lines fall slack when she stops writhing around.In the middle of her tirade, her monitors began screaming—sending the numerical data of her anger through electrical wires to the nurses’ station where it now rings in a high-pitched alert.
