Tangled locks of hair shroud my face, fluttering away from my mouth when I huff and moan for him.Between the wild strands and the dark of my room, I’m blind.I have zero control.It’s only me and the things I’m too terrified to confront.Noises that bump in the night, boogeymen that haunt me, and needy whimpers when I’m alone with the memories of Elias’ touch.
A train wreck I can’t seem to look away from.
“What?”he bites.
The strong chest I’ve danced my fingertips across while he sleeps presses against my back seconds later.A weighted blanket made from the man determined to consume me, and I…I...
“Spit it out, Sadie.This not what you wanted?”he mocks me.“Went out of your way to piss me off, and now you can’t take it.Are you saying you’ve had enough?Do you not like how my cock fills up and steals everything you have—everything I own?”
He draws back and slams into me again.
“I’m going to pump you so full of cum, you never forget who the hell you belong to.”
Stars sparkle fuzzily in the corners of my vision.Some of them black like a negative firework display, gobbling down light versus letting it burst in multicolored explosions.Their vicious arms spear me to the bed right here under him, trapping me in a free fall as Elias possesses me.
“How’s the void, Sadie?Fuller now, or are you still fucking empty?”
Empty.
That’s all I am.
Not a daughter, a woman people care for, a friend, foe, or the girl someone remembers at the gym.I’m a skin suit for demons to control and manipulate.I’m empty; the only way to live is if I let them in.I’m weak, a pawn, a mouse they chase through mazes and hunt for sport.They catch me, pummel me between their canines then spit me out.They use me—my mind, body, and soul—and when they’re done, when I’m broken, they throw me away.
Why?Because what good am I but to be used?
I was created out of lust, born out of desperation, wanted out of pain, traded because of loneliness, and taken for purpose.
He’s right, I’m vacant.I don’t want to live another day trying to figure out who I am.I want to fall victim to love.To be wanted because I’m broken and have fought to be here instead of a tool others wield for abolition.
The stars are getting larger, torching half my vision now.It's beautiful—silent and promising in its peace.I crave for its tendrils to climb my arms, abrade my skin, and jerk me free.
“S…Sunshine.”Elias’s voice shakes.
A finger hooks under a lock of hair then pins it behind my ear, away from my face.I don’t move, the weight is too much.I’m too far gone.The spokes of oblivion have begun to fade, blending in with the pitiless veil.
Demons cackle blithely in my ear.All three of them are lying across the bed before my foggy eyes, naked in their own right.Kate’s devouring Liz, Liz is leaning against Naamah, and there I meet her pitch-black eyes.They claim my soul as she pets her scorched fingers through Liz’s loosened hair.Watching while Elias decimates me and revels in my downfall.
I hate them.
I hate me.
“R…red.”
Chapter twenty-two
‘Lias
Thisisthelasttime I’ll ever lie in this bed, in this apartment, with Sadie wrapped around me.
Together we’ve caused enough damage to last more than a few lifetimes.Had I not relented, took control of the situation, nor put up with the backlash from her riders, we wouldn’t be here.I wouldn’t be sprawling in this bed, strung out like a damn drug addict, waiting for her to come back down from wherever her head is so I can sink back inside of her.
Wanting Sadie wasn’t a mistake.Feeling my heart pull itself into fine strings of muscle over this woman isn’t wrong—I know that.Crossing over from haphazard friends to whatever the fuck we’re doing is the problem.I never should have gone this far because she’s not in enough control to decipher true choice and what her imbalanced brain demands.
I’ve spent time worried about people assuming I’ve groomed her when actually, I turned into one of those sick fucks who take advantage of circumstances instead of using my goddamn brain.I knew better than to let her manipulate the situation, with her pretty fucking eyes and smart mouth, but I’m only a man.One too weak for this spawn of Satan plastered against me.
Once she called her safe word, the world came to a screeching halt—rightfully so.I pulled out, dragged her into my arms and did everything I could to fix whatever I broke.Then she shattered.
Hot, gut churning, tears burst from her eyes in a flash flood down her flushed cheeks.She sobbed so hard I had to make her hold a breath just to stop the hiccups from jolting her body.For a second there, I was afraid she was going to hyperventilate and would pass out.
