Out of the bed in seconds, my hands pat the front of my pockets, searching for my stuff.I need the hell out of here.I want to stay, need to, just not right now.I need air and to put my cold-cocked head on straight before dealing with anything else.
I want to throttle her.
Wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze until she gives me demons to waterboard.Strap her to a table, set my tools out in a perfect line, then suffocate her to the point Kate no longer has a leg to stand on and she abandons my girl.
Not in a million years would I do it, but I’m capable, and every time they push me the less I reel myself in.
On her knees, crawling to the edge, panic wrecks her features and my collapsing heart.Off the side, she struggles to find her footing but doesn’t reach for me, forcing herself to find balance on her own.
“’Lias… please, please don’t go,” she panics.
“I have to.I’ve got…fuck.I need space.This shit…”
“Five years and now you need space?”My composure dissolves with her cracking voice.
I’m a bastard.
Turning, I glance at her, seeing the rawness of her cheek where I slapped her—the skin’s slightly bruised, evidence of the force I used.Guilt hits me with unforgiving waves.Other women would have pumped a full magazine into me then smiled in their mugshot, or shied away from me, but Sadie does neither.
“Fuck, Sunshine.”
I did this to her.
She has every right to chop me into pieces and scatter me across the state, but she didn’t.Her riders allowed me to live despite hurting her.For what, I don’t know.They sure as hell beat Chelsea within an inch of her life for simply taunting Sadie.
Gently cupping her face, my calloused thumb brushes the apple of her cheek.Beautiful blue eyes glance up at me with fear swimming in them.Not pain or anger after I put my hands on her—fear.
I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done.
“I’m so damn sorry.”
Manicured brows pinch together with confusion, I continue.
“For hitting you.”
“You didn’t.”
“Yes, I did and I hate myself for it.”
For a moment, she searches my face for answers—reluctant to back away.Finally, she takes a few steps, then moves across the room to flick on the light in her ensuite.
Her sharp breath eats me alive.
I don’t dare walk to her or try to explain.Even if she does remember, I’m trained to disarm combatants without damage.I have all the means to subdue her even if fighting Kate is like wrestling a bear—I still hit her.
There is no excuse.It doesn’t matter if my dick was bunched in a fist with her about to twist the head off like a bottle cap—hitting Sadie is unforgivable.She will try to tell me she’s alright, that she can look past it, but I never will.
The lights turn out before she steps out of the bathroom.Leaning against the door frame, her spine presses to the cream-colored paint.She avoids any sort of eye contact, silently processing what she saw darkening in her skin.
What the fuck do I say?‘Sorry’ doesn’t cut it.‘I’ll never do it again’ seems like a false promise.I did it once, what makes her think there won’t be a second time?‘We’ll get through this’ sounds like a lie since I’m seconds away from walking out the door.
She was trapped in her mind and I hit her.
The silence between us is so loud it puts helicopter rotors to shame—breaking it seems impossible.
Staying here isn’t an option.
“I’ll check on you in a few days.Make sure to set your med alarms.”
