Gods. Could I ever go back to the way I was before? Do I want to?
The kettle clicks off beside me, steam hissing from the spout. Once I’ve prepared our coffees the way we like them, I carry the mugs back upstairs to our bedroom. When I open the door with my elbow, Arlo smiles at me. It’s strained, and I hope I am not the cause of his worries.
“There’s something I want to tell you,” Arlo says when I join him in bed.
I hand him his coffee. “What is it?”
When he hesitates, I tense and brace myself for potentially bad news.
“Is everything all right?”
Arlo nods, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “So…”
My fingers tap against my thigh. “What is it?” He’s starting to make me nervous. Is it the wedding? Or something else?
“Nan gave me the last ingredient I need for my potion.”
It takes me a moment to understand what potion he’s speaking of. “The one that can soothe my berserker?”
“Yes.” Arlo cradles his mug of coffee between his hands, staring into the depths of the cup as if it holds all the answers. “If I get to work now, it will be ready by the end of the day.”
“Oh.” This is good news. If I take that potion, I’ll never have to worry about losing myself to my berserker rage. I’ll be able to stay sane without taking a mate. My vow to Leif will remain unbroken.
I should be happy. Instead, all I feel is this sinking feeling in my stomach.
“How have you been feeling lately?” Arlo asks.
Truth be told, I doubt I even need it. Since Arlo and I have been spending more time together, my inner wolf has been calmer than he has been in years. Anders told me he felt the same after he and Jamie met. Even Wulfric felt calmer around Kieran.
“Better than ever. But…”
But all it took was a moment of despair, and Anders was almost consumed by his berserker’s rage. Until I take a mate, I will forever walk the precarious line between feral and sane.
“I’ll get started on it today,” Arlo says, as if he read my mind. “Even if you’re feeling stable, we shouldn’t waste any time.”
This is what we agreed on. I would pretend to be his fiancé so he could get that ingredient, and he would make the potion for me. Our obligations to each other will soon be over. We need not even marry, not if he can make the potion so quickly.
Arlo clears his throat. “If it’s ready by tonight, I suppose we might not even have to go through with the wedding…”
The thought of calling off the wedding when his family has gone to so much trouble fills me with shame. I can’t do that to them, to him. It would not be right. Unless that’s what Arlo truly wants. A stone drops into my stomach. Does Arlo want to be rid of me now that he has what he wants?
“Your family has gone to such trouble, and we’ve already made preparations.”
Arlo scoffs, a frown tugging at his brow. “Of course. Because ‘they went to so much trouble’ is a valid excuse to marry someone. Not love or anything.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. Damn it, that’s not what I meant.
With a sigh that holds the weight of the world in it, Arlo drops his head toward his lap. His knuckles whiten around the handle of his coffee mug. The steady thump of his heart skips and trips all over itself.
“Lo, are you—”
“I’m falling in love with you, Gunnar.”
My mind goes completely blank.
Arlo’s looking at me as if I hold his very life in my hands.
Those words repeat themselves in my head. Love. Arlo is in love with me. The very love I’d felt for him in my dream has become reality.
