I will have no one else but myself to blame for every stab of pain that’s to come.
Chapter 19
Gunnar
When I wake besideArlo, my nose nestled into his hair, I can’t fight back a smile. After so many years of waking up alone and settling for solitude, I’ve finally found a man I want to wake up with for the rest of my days.
I love him.
With every part of me, I love him.
I breathe in the salty scent of the sea, light in body and soul.
I’ll tell him as soon as he wakes. For now, I’m off to hunt for our breakfast.
Rising from bed, I go in search of my furs. The cabin I’ve built for us is cozy but with room to expand should we decide to adopt some pups of our own. Snow frosts the glass, and I wipe away the fog on the window.
A man stands out in the snow, holding a baby in his arms.
It’s Leif and Bjorn.
Gods, what are they doing out there in the cold? They must come inside or they’ll freeze.
I shout through the window, or I try to. My voice won’t go above a whisper. “Why are you outside? Come in!”
Leif smiles, bouncing the baby in his arms until Bjorn coos.
The wind kicks up, threatening to obscure them.
Leif!I want to scream, but it’s like my mouth has been sewn shut.Bjorn!
The blizzard takes them from me, and all I can do is watch as they disappear right in front of me.
“Gunnar? Gunnar, it’s all right. Wake up.”
My eyes fly open, my vision blurry with tears. I blink them away, causing them to spill down into my hair. I can’t catch my breath or speak a word without wanting to cry. A gentle hand wipes away the tear tracks on my temple.
“It was just a dream, darling. I’m here.” Arlo’s voice is soft and soothing, helping my racing heart find some semblance of calm.
“A dream…” I repeat, trying to convince myself. It didn’t feel like one. It felt like a nightmare.
“What happened?” Arlo asks as he rubs my chest.
I swallow thickly. “I woke up in bed with you. We were in a cabin, one I’d made. I was happy but… but Leif and Bjorn were standing outside in the cold. I called for them to come in but they only smiled at me and didn’t listen. It started snowing and then—” I suck in a gulp of air so I don’t fall apart. “They disappeared.”
“Oh,” Arlo says softly, a catch in his voice. “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry. Do you dream about them often?”
I shake my head and wipe my eyes dry. “Not usually. Night terrors mostly, where they’re in trouble and I can’t reach them.” I make myself sit up, and Arlo winds an arm around my shoulders.
“Sounds like this one was different.”
It did seem that way. Aye, they were out in the cold, but Leif’s contented smile is stuck in my head. Neither he nor Bjorn seemed afraid. But why wouldn’t they be? Why wouldn’t they come inside?
I ask Arlo these same questions, watching him closely for his reaction. Arlo’s frown deepens as he rubs circles against my shoulder. “It seems less like a dream and more like a reflection of your feelings.”
I don’t understand. “So… I want Leif and Bjorn to freeze to death?”
Arlo shakes his head. “Of course not. Maybe they didn’t want to come in because they could tell you were happy without them?”
