Gunnar’s eyes widen. “What does that mean?”
Lifting a heavy hand, I set it on his knee. “I won’t be able to use magic until I recover.”
“And how can you recover?” The tension in Gunnar’s voice makes me frown. There’s no doubt in my mind that something’s eating at him.
“Nan, can you give us a moment alone?”
“Are you sure? You’re not in any pain?”
I shake my head. “I’m fine. If I need you, I’ll send Gunnar to fetch you.”
“Very well, dear.” With a warm kiss on my forehead, Nan leaves us alone.
Gunnar’s fists are clenched in his lap, lips pressed into a hard line.
“I was the one buried under rubble, but you seem more shaken up than I was. Are you okay?” I touch his thigh, surprised to find how tense the muscles in his leg are, like he’s ready to spring up and run.
“I’m fine, Lo. Do you need anything? Food, water?”
The devastation on his face tells me everything I need to know. “Don’t lie to me. What’s the matter?”
Gunnar’s quiet for a moment, throat bobbing. “Scared me half to death is all,” he says, exhaling harshly. “I should have been faster. I could have reached you in time if—”
I shake my head. “You saved my father. You made the right choice.”
Gunnar lets out a miserable laugh, staring down into his lap. “Losing you would never have been the right choice. I… I could have lost another mate, and I’d have no one but myself to blameagain.”
Goddess. The anguish in his voice tears into my heart. “Hold on. First of all, you didn’t make the barn fall on me. So it would have in no way been your fault. Secondly, how can you blame yourself for your mate’s death? Unless you killed them yourself, I don’t understand—”
“Hunters killed my mate and child. I was right there but I was too weak to defend them.” I’ve never heard his voice so empty. His eyes have glazed over while he stares at the wall, as if he’s not really seeing anything. “That makes me just as guilty as the ones who killed them.”
I don’t know what to say. It feels like my heart has fallen somewhere into my stomach. I thought his mate had only died. That in itself would have been tragic. But this… Goddess, I feel sick. His mate didn’t die; they were killed. And his child. I hadn’t even known he had one. They’d killed his child, too?
Oh my goddess.
Suddenly, everything about him makes perfect sense. Why he’s so closed off emotionally and physically. Why he’s never moved on. Why he’s so close to going feral. If I were in his shoes, I don’t even know what I would do. How is he still alive? How has he found the strength to keep going? I couldn’t.
I try to speak, but no words come out. All I can do is squeeze his knee as I wade through countless emotions trying to suffocate me.
“I am so sorry.” To my horror, tears fill my eyes.
Shoulders slumping, Gunnar closes his eyes.
“It wasn’t—how could that have been your fault?”
“It was,” Gunnar says with such heartbreaking conviction I know I have no hope of shaking this belief out of him. “A man protects his family. What good is he if he can’t even do that? Even now, I couldn’t keep you safe.” Sorrow breaks through the monotony in his voice, making his eyes glassy.
I can’t take this. Scooting closer, I take his chin in my hand and make him look at me. “You did. I’m here, darling. Right here. You saved me, Gunnar.”
Then his lips are on mine, trembling and full of desperation. All I can do is melt into him, losing myself in the hunger of his kiss. His big hands are soft as they frame my face, fingers trailing over my cheekbones and down my jawline. No one has ever kissed me like this. It’s reverent and so tender it makes me ache.
Goddess, I need him.
I tug on his hair, urging him down with me. His weight pins me to the mattress, and his warm, hard body feels so good against mine that I can’t resist rocking against him. He’s half-hard when I grind into him, making him groan into my mouth.
“Lo.” He says my name around a groan that heats my blood. “You’re still recovering. We shouldn’t—”
With a growl, I give his hair a tug, making him look at me. “Don’t you dare treat me like I’m made of glass. And furthermore, I’ll recover much faster if you fuck me.”
