“None taken.” Huang chuckles, offers me a nod, and goes back to getting dressed.
I’m sure we’ll talk in a few minutes when we get ready for warm-ups. We were already communicating some these past couple of days when I was hyping him up about his play. I told him I had some family stuff come up and I needed to focus on that. He was super understanding and didn’t make me feel bad about it for a second.
Nodding, I try to shake some nerves, my pulse throbbing in my neck. “I’m doing all right. Dad’s in a care facility now, but it’s for the best since he’ll have round-the-clock care.”
Alec nods. “That’s tough, Matt. I’m sorry. How’s your mom holding up?”
I shrug. “She’s doing all right. Probably as good as she could be, you know?”
“Yeah, I can’t imagine. But she has you and has support. So does your dad. It’ll work itself out.” He pats my shoulder. “But I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t make it any easier.”
My eyes burn, and I wish more than anything that I could go home and crawl under my blankets. But I can’t, and I don’t want to, not truly. This is where I need to be, playing alongside my boys with my girl coaching. This isit.
We all get dressed, and I manage to make it through warm-ups in one piece and without spiraling into a panic attack, so we will take that as a win.
But then the game starts, and I can feel that I’m not at a hundred percent. My reactions aren’t perfect, and because of that, the Wild are able to steal a game from us, and I don’t know how to handle the fact that we just lost the third game.
Was it because of me? Was it because I let in two goals? In terms of the thirty-one shots the Wild fired at me, that’s not horrible. But unfortunately, we just couldn’t find a way to get that second goal.
The guys, of course, tell me not to blame myself, as does the coaching staff, including Shay. But she knows how impossible of a task that is.
I disappear into my mind over the next couple of days. Shay checks in with me constantly, and I assure her that this has nothing to do with her. That she is the one certainty in my life. This is just how I get when the game gets tough. I isolate myself.
Thankfully, she understands it. Any other girlfriend would probably throw a fit that I was ignoring her, but Shay knows that the game we play is lonely, and sometimes, the only person we can rely on to pull us out of it is ourselves. Besides, she’s been busier than ever with Andy. She’s up late, watching tape with him on Zoom, spending hours upon hours reviewing Wild footage and taking notes. She’s fighting this war right with me, and, God, there’s no one else in the world I would rather do it with.
My routine has taken over my existence while we prepare for the next game. Wake up. Run. Protein-filled breakfast. Practice. Lunch at the arena with the team, prepared by our chefs. Spend the afternoon watching my own footage of the Wild and making notes where I see fit. Dinner. Some form of entertainment that isn’t scrolling on my phone. And then bed. Repeat.
But as Shay drives us to the arena for tonight, I know I’m ready. I feel like the MacArthur our fans know, and maybe for the time being, I have to block out the emotion trying to take over. But that’s something I can live with. All that matters right now is the game.
“Ready?” Shay asks as she shuts her car off, and I don’t miss the twitch of her arm.
She’s told me it’s been a lot better lately. Her physical therapy has been great, but it’s still a time game, and some of her injuries may never heal fully or to the capacity they were before.
Turning to meet her confident gaze, I nod. “I’m ready.”
Her stare softens. “I’m proud of you. You’vegotthis.”
Reaching over, she squeezes my hand gently with hers, and I repeat her words, a soft whisper. “I’ve got this.”
“That’s right,” she says confidently, without a drop of doubt in her voice.
She tosses her keys in her purse, and I slide out of her car, taking a quick deep breath before expelling it low and slow until all worry, concern, and fear leave my body. That might be an impossible task, but, hell, I can try.
After slipping my earbuds in, I lead the way inside with her trailing a little behind so the entire organization doesn’t find out about us and we risk throwing an unwanted wrench into the mix. We’re sure they’ll be accepting of our relationship in the end, especially after everything they’ve forgiven, but we can’t know for sure, which is the scary part.
My music plays in my ears, the same playlist I always use, which is full of Britney Spears songs. “Womanizer” thumps, and I tap my fingers against my leg to the beat as I try to shake everything off that has led me here. I can do this. I know that. Now it’s just time to prove it. We’re winning tonight. No other options.
The crowd roars in the arena, white and silver towels waving in the air in chaotic unison as the announcer introduces our starting players, one by one. I’m last to go, as always, and I don’t know what to expect from the fans. Usually, they are our biggest supporters, but after seeing the comments and posts, I’m not entirely sure how they’re going to treat me tonight.
A lot of the reactions I got from opening up about my family and mental health on social media has been positive and great, but of course, there’s the other half of the coin. I try not to let it get to me, and nine out of ten times, I don’t. But sometimes, those comments or messages cut like a damn knife.
Regardless of if they cheer or boo, I’m going to play the same. As hard as I can until the third period ends and we win.
When I step onto the ice, gliding to my spot on the blue line, the spotlight finds me, and the beat of silence breaks with an earthquake of applause. I swear it’s so loud that it rattles the glass.
Tears well in my eyes, my chest exploding with love and support. Obviously, this is the reaction I hoped for, but to experience it is otherworldly. A flash of white pulls my attention to the glass, where I see a girl holding a sign that readsMacArthur! We love you!
JD bumps my arm with his as the color guard makes their way onto the red carpet rolled out on the ice. “I told you, we’veallgot your back.”
