“But trust is a terrifying thing to give another human being.”
I exhaled a breath that was so deep it deflated me and I sagged in against Quinn’s side. “I want to believe him. But it’s hard.”
“Well, the way I see it, you have a few options. You can trust him and we can do the scene and you can go talk to him about itafter. Or you can do the scene and not talk to him about it after. Or you can say no to the scene. No is always an option, Perry.”
“I need to work. I need the money and I like my job, okay.” I managed to look at Quinn, who nodded along with what I was saying. “I just don’t like the uncertainty that comes with this next step. I feel like there could be something real between Rex and me, and I don’t want this to screw it up.”
Quinn shifted on the couch so he could face me. “Look at me, Perry.” He waited until I complied before he continued. “If Rex says he’s okay with this and then he’s not it means he was either lying to himself, or lying to you, and either way, that makes him a liar. And we don’t fuck with liars. If he can’t hack it, that’s fine, but he needs to be honest about it. Do you think he’s being honest?”
“I want to believe that he’s being honest. There’s no reason for me to think he’s not. I mean, we’re not even together. He’d lose nothing by telling me that he could never date someone who sells sex for a living.”
“If he has no reason to be dishonest, and you want to trust him, then you’re going to have to take that leap of faith.” Quinn took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “But you don’t have to jump alone.”
The scene started out rocky, but Quinn was patient as were Lukas and River, who were manning the cameras today. River had slowly stopped performing, but had joined Lukas in the behind-the-scenes stuff like filming and editing footage.
To begin with, my nerves were still too close to the surface and I’d had a hard time getting into the whole pizza delivery guy fantasy. I usually had a lot of fun with the different role plays, but today I couldn’t keep my focus long enough to get from one line to the next.
“I’m sorry.” I told everyone after Lukas had called for us to cut.
“You don’t have to apologize.” Lukas said and the honesty and compassion in his voice nearly brought me to tears, but I held it together because the whole crying fetish thing wasn’t something I filmed content for. Although, if I didn’t find a way past my nerves so I could do this scene I might have to so I could make rent.
Quinn stripped out of his pizza delivery uniform and tossed it aside. “How about we keep it simple? You, me, and a couch.” Quinn held his hand out and waited for me to take it. “And when you’re done, I can go with you to talk to him if you want.”
“You want to go with me?”
“I want to be moral support if you need it. And if he hurts you, I want to be within striking distance so he knows exactly why he lost his front teeth.”
“Oh god, you can’t hurt him.” I balked. “What’s wrong with you?”
Quinn just grinned at me. “Not a thing. But you might want to consider the fact that you have feelings for this man, and that might be the reason why you’re so nervous.”
Lukas and River seemed very interested in their camera equipment, which wasn’t at all subtle, but was appreciated.
“I—” Fuck. I did. I had feelings for Rex. “I’ve never done a shoot with someone while having feelings for someone else. I don’t even know if I can. What if I can’t? What am I going to do?”
Quinn stepped toward me and took my face in his hands. “I know you have feelings for him, Perry. And I acknowledge that, and I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. You can stop at any time.”
Quinn’s gaze was intense, but not in a scary way. He had one of those personalities that could either fade into the background or take center stage, and he was just as comfortable either way.
His lips brushed against mine. Once. Twice. Three times before he settled into the kiss, licking past the seam of my lips,demanding entry to my mouth. It wasn’t like kissing Rex. There was no wobbly feeling in my stomach. No nervous fluttering just under my skin. There was just the pleasant feeling of Quinn’s mouth on mine. The familiar arousal that wasn’t quite urgent, not like it had been with Rex, but was still enjoyable.
Falling for Rex hadn’t broken me. It hadn’t stopped me from being able to work, but it made the ache in my bones even more excruciating. Every touch Quinn gave me, I memorized so I could have Rex erase it with his later. Sickeningly, I wanted him to be jealous. Not jealous enough for it to be a bad thing. I didn’t want Rex to feel bad, or to hate me, but I wanted him to care that I’d been at work and that work for me meant kissing another man. It meant having their hands on me and them being under me and over me and inside of me.
Once I got into the scene, it was probably one of the best shoots I’d ever had. Quinn was always fun to scene with and today had been no exception, but he’d also stayed concerned about me throughout the shoot and had checked in with me a few times both discreetly, when he whispered in my ear as he entered me from behind, his hand reaching around to stroke my cock as I braced myself against the wall. And out in the open when he point-blank asked if I wanted to keep going as we switched positions after he got an ass cramp.
Now that the scene was over and I’d showered the touch of another man off my body, I couldn’t wait to get back to Rex. It wasn’t that I wanted to rub my job in his face, but there was this thing inside me, this little version of me who was desperate for approval, who needed validation like he needed oxygen. Who needed to be accepted above all else. And that little version of me had a lot of sway apparently, because I found myself waiting outside Rex’s door for him to get home from work.
I thought about going to his office first, but the day was almost over and this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to havearound other people. I’d texted Rex a selfie of me outside his door and he promised to be home in fifteen minutes.
Thirteen minutes later, he pulled into his driveway and stepped out of his car. I’d been sitting on his front step, but stood when he appeared. My hands fluttered nervously at my sides as he approached.
When he was finally in front of me, I stood a bit taller because I was on the bottom step and it gave me the tiniest height advantage.
Rex’s hand settled on my waist as I cradled his face in my hands. “Are you coming inside?” He asked as I traced his lip with the pad of my thumb.
“Am I welcome?”
Rex tightened his grip on my waist. “Always.”
