I barked out a laugh. “No, no one has ever offered. My sex life has been exceedingly vanilla, I think.” My brow furrowed and I tried not to compare my experience against Perry’s.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Perry said softly. He still hadn’t slid the keys into the ignition. We sat there in the half dark, the car illuminated only from ambient lighting. The night was quiet and still like a held breath, and that tender look remained in Perry’s eyes whenever I caught his gaze.
“Have you ever been curious about different things?”
“Who hasn’t been curious about stuff from time to time?”
“Did you ever explore things you were curious about?”
“On occasion, yeah. It was easier if it was stuff I could try on my own.” I shot Perry a crooked smile. “Fewer uncomfortable conversations that way. Besides, my past partners have all looked at me and sort of slotted me into a certain kind of role, and I guess I just let them.” Talking about watersports hadn’t made me blush, but mentioning that I was a pushover in bed had me squirming. “God, that’s embarrassing.”
“Why? Because you put the pleasure of your partners above your own desires? That’s not embarrassing, that’s a green flag for you and a red flag for them. Not that they were wrong for wanting to enjoy you, but that they didn’t seem to consider you in the equation.”
Perry still didn’t start the engine; instead he turned a little so he could face me better.
“You deserve to be with someone who will take you into consideration in all things, but especially in the bedroom.” He seemed to have more to say, because he opened his mouth, but he shut it again. And this time, he did put the key into the ignition and started the car, putting a period on the end of the conversation.
He drove me home in silence that wasn’t awkward, but the kind where I could tell we both had a lot on our minds. These dates were supposed to be practice runs for the wedding so we could pull off the whole fake boyfriend thing. And because Perry, for whatever reason, hadn’t met someone who wanted to take him out properly. The picture he painted was where everyone wanted him for his body and not for him.
The truth was that I liked Perry. A lot. And were this thing between us real, I’d have invited him to come inside. I still could, but if he came inside, we’d likely continue that kiss we shared. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to kiss him again, or touch him, or see what he looked like when he was falling apart under my touch. I wanted all those things, but I didn’t want to be another man who just took from him.
Perry wanted to experience dating. He wanted to be taken out and shown a good time. If he wanted sex, he could have it whenever he wanted. And that’s not what he wanted from me.
I was the training-wheels boyfriend. The pretender. One day, maybe Perry would find a guy who would treat him the way he deserved to be treated.
The car came to a stop outside my house. It wasn’t anything fancy. A single story, cookie-cutter house with a small yard that I’d bought with an inheritance some years ago now. It actually had three bedrooms, which seemed excessive for a single person, but one room was a guest room for people, and another was aguest room for animals. Over the years, I’d brought home all manner of creatures for short-term stays. Yet another bone of contention with old partners. Nothing says romance quite likehoney, I’m home, and I brought a hedgehog.
“I had fun tonight,” Perry said as he put the car in park and shifted to look at me.
“Especially the ambush at dinner, right?”
“Dinner and a show. I fail to see the problem.”
Our gazes lingered and I still had the urge to invite him inside. I wanted him, and that’s why I couldn’t make myself ask. Perry was used to men who saw him as a conquest, and I was determined to not be filed into that category.
I liked Perry and I was determined to win him over. To prove to him that I was worthy of him, that I was different from all the other men in his life. I wanted Perry to trust me.
The click of my seatbelt undoing seemed to break the spell that had fallen over us. He blinked as if he were waking from a dream.
“I had a great time,” I said, reaching for the door handle. “And don’t worry, I won’t make you plan the next date.”
“Thank God. There’s too much pressure. I much prefer just being told where to show up and how pretty I need to be.”
I didn’t want to leave. Being around Perry made everything brighter. He was fun and sweet and had a big heart. It was a shame that no one had seen that part of him, because if they had, there’s no way he’d be single.
“You looked plenty pretty tonight. I should have said so earlier.”
I couldn’t tell if Perry was blushing or not, but he did smile at me in a sheepish kind of way. “You didn’t say so, in fact.”
“I’m a terrible date and I apologize. You looked wonderful.”
“Thank you. You’re not too shabby yourself.”
“For an old fart, you mean.”
“You’re not that old. You’re what… thirty-five?”
I let out a quiet scoff. “I’m forty, remember?”
