“Yes?”
“Can we shower? And maybe do laundry? I smell like the trash can at a dog park.”
“We absolutely can do those things.” I pushed myself to my feet and then extended a hand for Asher to take. Pulling him to his feet, I tugged him close to me and stole a kiss.
“Will I ever be able to smell anything else? I feel like that’s all I can smell. Like it’s stuck in my nose or imprinted on my brain.”
“This too shall pass.” I ruffled Asher’s hair and gave him a gentle shove in the direction of the bathroom. “You and Jax strip down and get in the shower and I’ll get our laundry started.”
When I joined them a minute later, they were in the shower, the steam filling the room as I joined them. The space felt big when it was just me and almost too small when there were already two other men inside. Jax was busy soaping up Asher’s back, scrubbing it clean.
“Turn around, Blue. Let me get your hard-to-reach places.”
He was almost too happy to make the offer, and it was one I couldn’t refuse. I listened to Jax and slid in next to Asher, turning my back to Jax.
He scrubbed my back in gentle circles that started at the nape of my neck. He moved across my shoulders next, then downward. He passed the loofah off to Asher, who gave Jax’s back a quick scrub, after which Jax stole a kiss from him. He pinched Asher’s chin with his fingers and tugged him close, slanting his mouth over Asher’s.
Asher let out a needy little moan and started to sway toward Jax, but Jax laughed and pulled back.
“Greedy.” He booped Asher on the nose, then handed him the loofah. “Blue’s had a long night, and he worked his ass off. We’re going to take care of him now.”
“I don’t—” I started to protest when Jax moved me so I was under the spray of the shower. It hit my upper back, pelting against my shoulders.
“Tip your head back. I’m going to wash your hair while Asher washes the rest of you.”
“I don’t have a choice, do I?” I couldn’t even pretend to not be happy about this with the way I was suddenly smiling and unable to stop.
“Not at all,” Asher confirmed.
Taking one of my wrists in his hand, he gently pulled my arm away from my side and started scrubbing up near the shoulder, then moving down my bicep. “Jax and I took a vote while you were starting laundry. So even if you had been here for the vote, it would still be two to one.”
“It’s hard to think of that as losing when I get spoiled rotten.” I let Jax tilt my head back, and I closed my eyes as he gently scrubbed my scalp with his blunt fingertips.
Someone, probably Jax, kissed the hollow of my throat. Asher changed his hold on me and gently washed my hand, paying attention to the webbing between every finger before moving on to my chest.
My cock stirred to life, but I ignored it. Hell, if I were able to open my eyes, I’d likely see Jax and Asher with matching erections. But this wasn’t about that, and I was all too happy to ignore my dick.
With Jax soaping up my hair and Asher gently washing every inch of skin, it occurred to me that maybe there was more than one way to make love to someone. They’d said the words, but now they were showing me that they were true. That it wasn’tlip service. It wasn’t something they said out of obligation or dishonesty.
I used to chase the feeling of someone loving me. I chased it so hard sometimes I’d convinced myself that it was there when it wasn’t. And now I didn’t have to chase that feeling because Jax and Asher brought it to me. They gave it willingly, without strings or expectations. They showed up for me, supported me, loved me, and wanted nothing in return. They hadn’t been mad or upset that I didn’t say it back.
I hadn’t needed to earn it. They weren’t transactional about it the way my parents had been.We love you so long as you do what we say. We’d love you if you denied who you are. We’d love you again if you stuffed yourself back in the tiny little box we kept you in.That was the way I’d grown up and until they disowned me, I’d done contortions to try and get them to love me.
I’d chased love from people who never wanted that from me, and then I’d chased no one at all. I’d have been okay, I realized, if I’d never found love. Lonely? Sure, I’d have been lonely. But I had been lonely at home, growing up with a family who didn’t accept me, let alone like me.
Asher had moved on from washing my arms to washing my chest. Jax had rinsed the shampoo from my hair and now stood behind me, massaging my shoulders, peppering kisses against my damp skin.
His hands slid down my arms, then he held my waist as he buried his face in the curve of my neck. Asher, well, he’d since dropped the bath sponge and had decided that washing me with his bare hands would be better.
“I love you both. I do.”
Jax and Asher went still, but Asher pressed in closer to me, winding an arm around my waist. I draped my arms around hisshoulders and pulled him in against me. “I didn’t say it back right away because…”
“You didn’t have to,” Asher assured me. “That’s not why we said it.”
“I know.” I kissed his cheek then pulled him into a hug, mostly so I could hide my expression. I already felt raw and vulnerable in a way that I hadn’t in a long time, and I wanted to say what I needed to say before I lost my nerve. “I went without love for so long that I didn’t recognize what it really looked like. What it felt like. My parents…sucked.”
I let out a weak laugh, and Asher held me tighter. Jax kissed my shoulder and gave my waist a squeeze to remind me that I wasn’t alone.
