“Blue, I need—please can I? I need to come.”
Blue didn’t say a word. His fingers found my nipple again, and he teased it, twisting the bud in his fingers until I was writhing off the couch. I threw my head back and Blue released the hold he had on the base of my cock, the one he’d been controlling my orgasm—or lack thereof—with.
My orgasm rolled through me like thunder, shaking me down to my core. Blue drank all of it down, not spilling a drop, and then, while I was still recovering, Jax crossed the room and bent down and reached for Blue so he could kiss him.
“Let me taste him,” Jax said before slanting his mouth over Blue’s, thoroughly devouring him. When they parted, Blue’s pupils were blown wide, and he sat back on his ass, letting out a breath of air.
Jax turned and, for a second, I thought maybe he was going to leave, but he shut the door, then locked it. “No one leaves this room until we have a fucking talk.”
He returned to the couch and dropped down next to me. “Care to start?” Jax asked, flicking his gaze from me to the massive mess of stuff Blue and I had hauled from my apartment.
“It’s a long story.” I slumped over and buried myself against his side. My cock was still half hard and sticking out of my pants and I shifted around, tugging my pants back up so we could have a long overdue conversation.
TWENTY-EIGHT
JAX
Slinging an arm around Asher,I pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. He smelled like sweat and sex, and it wasn’t an awful combination. Lukas had agreed to help me, then had promptly sent me downstairs. He must have known they were here, but I doubted he knew what they were doing when I walked in. I think they were supposed to be dealing with whatever fresh mess that was by the closet.
“What’s with the clothes?” I asked, scanning the piles. A safety vest. A cowboy hat. A tool belt. “Did the Village People die and bequeath you their outfits?”
Asher let out an inelegant snort. “Close. They were Leo’s.”
“Oh fuck. Sorry.” The urge to dig a hole and crawl into it and die struck me.
Asher snuggled close while Blue got up off the floor, put his dick away, and cuddled in next to me.
“It’s okay,” Asher said. “I’ve been through some emotions this week. I’ve done a lot of thinking about the three of us andwhat I want, and what I used to think I wanted. I’ve spent the past couple of years kind of lost, you know. Losing Leo fucked with me. It still does. And I’ve done all kinds of things trying to feel closer to him.”
He paused, taking a minute to gather his thoughts so he could continue. Blue and I stayed quiet and let him lead the conversation. We’d have our turns later.
“I think I do love Lukas, but not in a romantic way. When I kissed him, I was so mad. I expected this spark. This heat. This undeniable something to light up between us like a beacon showing me that I was on the right path. But there was nothing. It was… kind of shit, actually.”
I started to laugh and stopped myself. Blue poked me in the ribs, but Asher laughed too.
“It’s okay. It is a little funny. It was like being a kid and waiting all year for Christmas and then you finally get what you want, but it sucks. It’s like that. I was kind of fucked up about that for a little while too. And it took a bit for me to realize that I did love Lukas. I do. I always will. I love him the same way I love Leo. He’s a brother to me.” Asher paused again then said in a softer, more timid voice. “He’s family.”
“You sound scared,” Blue said, reaching for Asher’s hand.
I watched the way their fingers twined together, seeking comfort and closeness.
“If you haven’t noticed, I keep losing my family. Leo was all I had.”
“With all due respect to him, he did you a huge disservice by keeping you apart from his support network. I get that he thought he was protecting you from the big bad adult industry, but it’s kind of insulting that he didn’t trust us with you when Lukas and everyone else here has had your back from day one.”
Asher stiffened next to me and I wondered if I’d gone too far, but I couldn’t regret finally saying something about it. “Leo wasa good guy, Asher. I don’t want you to think I didn’t like him. He was a hell of a nice guy. But he fucked up.”
“I know,” Asher said. Not sadly. Not with regret or remorse or admonishment. “I’ve been pissed at him on and off about that for the past two years.” Asher took a deep breath then let it out slowly. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. Both of you.”
He looked up at me, and I could see the depth of his regret in his expression.
“I shouldn’t have ran off the other day,” Blue said. “I’ve been hurt a lot, and I wish I could blame other people, but a lot of my wounds have been self-inflicted. I used to have a very skewed idea of what love was, and I’d find myself getting too attached to people too quickly. Especially if I had sex with them.”
Blue shifted uncomfortably so I pulled him closer. Held him tighter, letting him know without words that I wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was he. Blue glanced up at me and shot me a shy smile before plowing ahead.
“So then I stopped having sex outside of work. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it helped me understand myself better and why I got so attached to people so quickly. My rules existed for a reason, and it freaked me out that I broke them. That was why I ran out the other day. I don’t think it was all your fault for talking about Lukas.” Blue let out a sigh. “I probably need more therapy.”
“I can give you the name of my therapist if you want.” Asher laughed. “I just started seeing her, but so far she’s great. She’s good with the whole sex worker vocation, and she laughs at my awkward jokes. Of course, she quickly turns around and makes me delve into why I made that particular joke, but I digress.”
