“Have I met these boys?” Dad asked. He’d met some of my friends in the industry, but I was almost positive that he’d never met Blue or Asher. Dad must have seen something in my expression because he smiled a little and shook his head. “It’s that kid who was hung up on Lukas, right? Him and who else?”
“Blue Davies. We all filmed together. We’ve hung out a couple of times since, and every time we do, it’s like I get a glimpse of how good we could be, and then everything goes south somehow. Ash is still hung up on Lukas. Blue is upset about it. I’ve squared things away with Blue, but Ash is…” My brow scrunched as I searched for a way to articulate my thoughts. “Ash is complicated.”
“What’s complicated about him?” Dad leaned back in the kitchen chair the way he’d done a million times. It made me think of how often he’d been there for me to listen, to advise, to tell me when I was being an idiot. I knew I was lucky to have that, and I knew what Asher had lost when Leo died.
“I don’t think Asher loves Lukas in the way he thinks he does.”
Dad arched an eyebrow, but sipped at his coffee and waited for me to continue.
“Maybe it’s wishful thinking,” I wondered out loud. “But I think Asher loves him like a brother. Like an authority figure. Like the way you idolize someone you feel saved your ass when you were at your lowest.”
“Asher is complicated. And you don’t like complicated.”
“What? When did I say that?”
Dad shrugged but otherwise didn’t move. “Well, if complicated isn’t a problem for you, why are you here drinking spiked coffee with your old man when you could be out uncomplicating things with Asher and Blue?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but had no response and snapped it shut again.
“Look, kid. I don’t need to know all the specifics to know that people like feeling special. Lukas made him feel special during a really shitty time in his life. He might not love Lukas in a romantic way, but I bet he does love him. Maybe he just needs someone to show him the difference.” Dad tipped his cup back and drained it, then leaned forward and thumped the empty cup on the table. “You gonna finish that?” he asked, pointing to my cup.
I shoved it toward him. “It’s all yours.”
Dad took my cup and wrapped his hand around it.
“When you figure it out with them, I want you to bring them over one day for dinner. Let me meet the guys who have you all bungled up. Maybe they’ll domesticate you and I can finally get some grand-kitties.”
“If you want cats, just get cats, Dad. Besides, when are you going to find someone to domesticate you?”
“Hey now, we’re not talking about me.”
“We are now. You know I want to see you happy, right? No matter who you bring home, I’m not about to have a‘you’re not my real mom’meltdown. We’re a bit past that stage.”
Dad had tried to date when I was younger, but he’d never brought anyone home, so for the longest time I believed he’d never dated at all. Then he told me that he never met anyone he liked enough to change his whole world for.
Did I like Asher and Blue enough to change my whole world for them? Did I like them enough to rearrange closets and dressers and make space for them? To carve out time in my schedule for them. To see them all the time?
It wasn’t even a question. I’d been in love with Blue for years. Quietly pining for him while we went about our lives. And then Asher, an unexpected and messy addition to the mix. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I loved watching Asher and Blue get to know each other. I loved watching them interact. And while I was sure that Blue and I could make a go of it, just the two of us, that’s not what we wanted.
Now, Blue and I just had to win Asher over for real. Dad was right—we had to make him feel special.
“Why haven’t you dated?” I asked, stealing my cup back for another swig of the spiked coffee.
Dad shrugged. “Haven’t thought about it much, to be honest. I get by just fine. Anyway, you didn’t come over to harass me about my love life. It’s yours that needs work. So what do you plan to do?”
“I haven’t figured that out yet. Maybe I’ll touch base with Blue first and see what he thinks.”
“A tag-team approach. I like it.”
I tried not to think about the porn definition of tag team, but it crossed my mind before I could stop it. If Dad noticed a flush in my cheeks, he was good enough to not say a word about it.
The idea wasn’t an all bad one, but whatever Blue and I came up with, it should be something that required clothing. We all knew we were compatible in the bedroom, but sex had gotten in the way of actual conversations that needed to happen.I’d been too eager to take what I could get, worried that I’d never get another shot with Blue if I paused to think about the implications of jumping into bed with him and Asher time and time again.
In a way, it was like I had to reverse engineer a relationship. We’d started with sex. And then hit the complicated feelings roadblock. I’d managed to talk things out with Blue, but now I wanted to do the same with Asher. Talk things out. Maybe go on some nice dates. Maybe woo them a little. We needed rules and boundaries and a plan to navigate this budding relationship before it went up in smoke.
Unless it was already too late. Asher hadn’t texted me back in days. Our last conversation ended with him saying he was okay, just busy, and that he’d be in touch. It screamedI need space, so that’s what I’d been giving him. Now, I wondered if that had been the right move.
“I’m going to head out.” I stood and clapped my dad on the shoulder on the way past him.
