“He probably wanted you to decide what to tell us, if anything.” I waited a beat, then another. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He groaned. “It’s stupid and I’m stupid.” He sniffled.
“Hey, you’re not stupid. Trust me. I happen to have a lot of experience with unrequited feelings for people."
Asher looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “But you’re so hot.”
“Hot doesn’t mean lovable, apparently. I know right now you feel like shit, but you need to understand that there’s nothing wrong with you.”
Asher sniffled again. “Sure feels like there is.”
He managed, through increasingly watery eyes, to get us back to my apartment in one piece. Killing the engine, he made no move to get out, and I was afraid that he’d drive away if I got out of the car without him. Reaching over, I pulled the keys from the ignition then motioned to my building. “Come inside and hang out with Jax and me for a while. We’ll eat whatever it is he foraged for us, and we’ll talk about your very first scene. You can make a wish list, and I’ll see that you get whatever you want.”
Asher nodded and climbed out of his car. We made our way through the building, walking down the hallway, and we didn’t speak until we were in my apartment. I lived on the ground floor and my patio door opened up to a shared courtyard in the center of the building. I liked being shielded from the street.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked him as he collapsed onto my couch. He leaned his head back and covered his face with his hands.
“Only if it will get me drunk.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you twenty-one yet?”
Asher pulled his hands away from his face and looked at me imploringly. “In a month.”
Letting out a sigh, I grabbed two cans of hard iced tea from my fridge and handed one to him. “You’re not getting trashed though. For starters, no one ever solved a problem or mended a broken heart by getting wasted. And I don’t have enough of these to get you drunk anyway.” I cracked mine open after he opened his and knocked my can against his. “So what happened with you and Lukas?”
Asher brought the can to his lips and took a drink. His eyes skirted away, unwilling to look at me while he spilled his guts. That was fine. He was vulnerable enough as it was.
“I kissed him. I—He?—”
“Take your time.” I sat next to him on the couch, crowding him a little. I wanted him to feel my presence. I wanted him to know he could lean on me, emotionally and physically.
“I kissed him. And I—God. I’m going to die. I wanted to—I always thought maybe he was dragging his feet about letting me do a scene because he couldn’t find someone suitable for me, because maybe he wanted to be that someone. And when he pawned me off on you and Jax, I thought…. I don’t know what I thought. But I kissed him and I made a complete fool of myself. I need a new job. A new home. A new identity in a new country.” Asher tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” I gathered him close and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tight as he cried on my shoulder.
“It’s not.” He sniffled a few minutes later. His breathing was finally coming under control and he pulled back, wiping furiously at his tear-stained face. “Wow, yeah, so sexy, Asher. Fucking cry all over the hot guy who is supposed to pop your porn cherry.”
“Trust me, tears are by far the least offensive body fluid that I’ve had to deal with.”
Ash laughed like he was startled by the sound of it, or the fact that he’d laughed at all. A twinkle of life returned to his eyes. “I know. I’ve seen all your stuff.”
I leaned back and took a drink of my iced tea and pondered my next move. I could steer the conversation back to Lukas, or I could say fuck that guy and give Ash the distraction he needed.
“See anything you like?” I purred, dragging my gaze over Asher’s body, letting him feel the heat of my gaze. I watched the way his throat bobbed when he swallowed, and I knew I had him interested. “If I’ve done it, you can request it,” I told him.
Asher let out a slow breath. “That’s a long list.”
“We have all night,” I reminded him with a smile.
THREE
ASHER
Isthis what dying felt like? Because it fucking sucked. The oxygen got sucked out of the room—hell, off the planet—when Lukas gave me that sympathetic look. Deep down, I think I knew that he didn’t see me that way, but I was so desperate for him to look at me. To see me as something more than his dead friend’s little brother. Pain in the ass. Burden. Charity case.
It was obvious that Blue and Jax had been sent by him to check up on me, but at least they didn’t try to hide it. And fuck it, I let them. I’d been after Lukas to let me film a scene for years. I could have gone solo or found another studio to film at, but I wouldn’t go anywhere Lukas didn’t approve of. Because if Lukas didn’t approve, that meant Leo wouldn’t have.
My chest gave another painful squeeze, reminding me how much I missed him. He’d have found my crush on Lukas hilarious, but he wouldn’t have made fun of me. Not too badly anyway. And now it felt like the universe was laughing at mebecause I was in a porn star’s apartment and all I could think about was my dead brother and my broken heart.
