“I think he wanted to run through what the scene was going to be like. I know Lukas said that he had a basic script for us.” Asher’s discomfort about Lukas and what had happened between them had softened, but I could see he was still a little hurt about the whole thing.
“It’s less of a script and more of a… a guideline to set the scene for us. There’s no lines we need to memorize. We can ad-lib everything.”
“What if I’m bad at it?” Asher rolled his shoulders inward, and he kept his gaze trained on Lara, who was trying her best to be a calming influence on Asher. I couldn’t help but scoot closer to him and slip an arm around him. I rubbed his back a few times, then decided to run my fingers through the hair at the back of his head. The way he melted into my touch made my heart hurt for him. If anyone needed a fucking hug, it was Asher.
“Ashy, it’s porn. The actual acting is never good, and I’m sure it’s an insult to legitimate actors to call it acting. Don’t worry about being good or bad.”
He let out an awkward-sounding laugh. “That’s not what most people want to hear right before they shoot a porno.”
“Don’t worry about that either. I have a feeling that you’ll do just fine. More than fine.” I didn’t have to watch the footage from the screen test to know that there was chemistry between us. It crackled in the air whenever Asher and I were in the same space now.
I’d been around him before, but only as friends, as people who worked in different parts of the same industry. Upuntil now, Asher had been a behind-the-scenes guy. Working alongside Lukas to make everything run smoothly for the performers. But now, Asher was ready to step in front of the camera.
I knew I wasn’t his first choice of scene partner, but his first choice was a non-starter. Lukas had spent the past two years trying to fill the big brother void that Leo left, and that was all he’d ever want to be for Asher.
“I’m glad that I get to be involved in your first shoot,” I told him, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek.
“Hey now, save that for when the cameras are rolling,” Jax protested as he swept into the room. He flopped down on the couch on the other side of Asher. “Are you excited? Are you nervous? You haven’t jerked off today, have you?”
“Are you on drugs?” I asked Jax. I hadn’t filmed with him in a few years and I’d forgotten how he could get before a shoot. Normally laid back, Jax before a shoot was all kinds of keyed up.
“Why? Did you want some?” Jax wiggled his eyebrows at me. “No, I’m not on drugs.”
“Just high on life then,” Asher quipped.
“High on the knowledge of all the delightfully dirty things Blue and I are going to do to you.”
Asher looked at Jax, then at me, then back at Jax. “Have the two of you been conspiring against me? I’m not mad; I just need to know what I’m in for.”
“You’re in for the time of your life,” Jax said. “Blue and I will make sure of it.”
Jax had a confidence that was easy to believe and even easier to trust. It seemed to soothe Asher’s nerves enough that he was able to take a deep breath and let out a sigh that appeared to flush a lot of the nerves out of his system. His shoulders were no longer rounded like he was trying to make himself smaller.Asher was clearly comfortable with Jax in a way that he wasn’t with me.
Was I jealous? Maybe a little.
“So, what’s the plan?” Asher asked.
“Well, according to Lukas, he wants us to have some kind of a script, just because he thinks it will help ease you into the scene,” Jax explained.
“Do you think he’s right?”
“I think it would be fun. Right or wrong is beside the point. What do you think, Blue?”
“I think a little script or a loose role play would help break the ice. Sometimes it can be easier to be on camera if you can pretend that you’re someone else. On that note, have you decided on a stage name? Everyone needs a stage name.”
Asher glanced at me. “What? You mean your name isn’t Blue?”
“Weird, huh? Proof that my parents liked me at one point in my life, even if they don’t now.”
“Your parents are stupid,” Asher said, then he grimaced. “Sorry. That was rude.”
“It’s fine. My parents are stupid.” It was common knowledge that my parents kicked me out when they found out I was gay. At first, porn had been a way to get back at them while making money to keep myself alive. And then it had become a way to be intimate with people without letting them get close enough to hurt me.
If I wanted sex, I booked a scene or found someone to collab with. I spaced out repeats or avoided them altogether. And so far it had worked. My heart was safe. The biggest danger to it right now was how much I wanted this shoot with both of them. I hadn’t been with Jax in a few years, and that was on purpose. Our first scene together had been nothing short of magic. Angelssang. Fireworks popped. Jax rocked my world. So naturally, I avoided him after.
Until now.
I thought enough time had gone by that I wouldn’t be in danger of getting attached to him but already I knew that wasn’t the case. I knew it from the way I wanted him to look at me. To notice me. To give me some of the attention he was giving Asher. I knew it in the way my knees wobbled when Jax caught my gaze and flashed me a smile.
