I exhaled, dragging a hand through my hair. “But now James knows. He knows.”
“And how did he react?” Beau asked.
“I don’t know,” I muttered. “He didn’t run. Didn’t freak out. But he looked at me different afterward. I don’t know if it’s good or bad.”
Beau gave a slow nod, thoughtful. “He probably just needs time to process it. Anyone would.”
“Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe he’s finally seeing what everyone else always does.”
“What? That you’ve made mistakes? That you have a past?” Beau frowned. “Newsflash, we all do.”
“I know,” I muttered. “But if James everything I’ve done before. All the fights, the blood, the things I did before I knew better.”
“You did know better,” Beau said. “You just didn’t think it mattered. You weren’t given space to be someone else until you came here.”
I didn’t answer. I stared at the half-mixed bowl of dough on the table like it could offer me something solid to hold onto.
“I’m just… questioning everything now,” I finally said.
“Go on,” Beau said.
“If I deserve someone like him. He’s good, Beau. He’s got this shine to him, even if he tries to hide it behind jokes and that ridiculous hair. He’s smart and stubborn and loyal and good. And me? I’m just…” I trailed off, shaking my head.
Beau’s expression softened, but his voice was firm. “You’re not just anything. And you do deserve something good. You think I didn’t feel the same way when I met Sean?”
I blinked. “You?”
Beau huffed a small laugh. “Hell yeah. I was convinced I was going to ruin everything. That I was too broken. That the past would catch up to me and Sean would walk away. But he didn’t. And James won’t either. Not unless you push him.”
I looked down at my flour-covered hands. “I’m trying not to.”
“Then don’t shut him out,” Beau pointed out.
“I don’t want to drag him into anything.”
“And yet he keeps walking toward you, not away,” Beau said.
I paused, the weight of that hitting somewhere deep in my chest. James had kept showing up, hadn’t he? Even when I gave him nothing. Even when I pushed.
Beau bumped my shoulder. “Look. I get it. You’re scared. But if someone has the potential to be something real in your life, you can’t keep locking the door and pretending no one’s knocking.”
I swallowed, throat tight. He was right.
If I didn’t stop pulling away, James might eventually stop trying. And that thought? That James might move on, give his attention to someone else made something primal stir in my chest.
I hated the idea of him laughing like that for someone else. Of kissing someone else. Of trusting someone else with all that softness he barely let anyone see.
No. I didn’t want that. My grizzly didn’t want that either. I stared down at my hands again. Maybe I didn’t deserve James. But I sure as hell didn’t want to let him go.
“Thanks,” I said finally, voice low.
Beau clapped me on the back. “Don’t thank me. Just don’t be a dumbass.”
I gave him a weak grunt and turned back to the dough. I still didn’t feel like myself. But maybe, I was getting closer to figuring out who I wanted to be for me and for James.
Chapter 9
James/ Rafael
