Like slipping into an old coat, heavy and worn, but familiar. That sharp edge of adrenaline. The thrill of power. Of fear in someone else’s eyes. It was intoxicating. Addictive. Dangerous.
Like the old me.
The version of myself I’d buried under flour and sugar, under soft words and second chances. The one I swore I’d never be again.
My fists clenched. I could still feel the shift prickling under my skin, a ghost of it clinging to my bones like smoke that wouldn’t clear. My bear didn’t understand why I’d pulled back.
Didn’t understand restraint. It only knew someone had threatened what was ours. Who was ours. That’s not you anymore, I told myself, the words tight and bitter on my tongue.
I wasn’t that guy who fought every challenge, who snapped and clawed at anyone who got too close. You’re different now, I thought, but it felt hollow.
Because for a second, I wanted to tear that man apart. Not just to protect Sean, but to enjoy it. To remind the world that I still could.
I started walking.
Didn’t know where I was going. Just needed space. Air. A chance to pull myself back together before I shattered all the progress I’d made.
I walked past the park, through town, barely registering the familiar sights around me.
I only stopped when I reached the edge of the woods. Those quiet, whispering trees that had always made me feel small and grounded.
I leaned against a thick trunk, head tilted back, lungs burning. The cool forest air scraped against the back of my throat, but it didn’t settle the roaring in my chest.
“You’re not that guy anymore,” I whispered aloud this time, voice ragged.
But the dark and scared and honest part of me wasn’t sure if I believed it.
Because sometimes, in moments like this, I still felt like him. The beast with blood on his claws. A true son of the Ironwood Bear Clan, bred for dominance, forged in fists and fear.
And then I remembered Levi. The look in his eyes when he knelt beside Rafael’s truck, dust and ash in the air, as I lay half-conscious in the backseat. The hope in them. The desperation.
He’d let me go. Lied to the clan. Told them I was dead.
That night, Levi lost a brother, and I gained a chance.
And I’d be wasting it if I let myself slip back into what the clan made me. If I let that old rage devour what I’d built here, what we’d all built and what Sean believed in.
I exhaled a shaky breath, grounding myself in the dirt, the bark against my spine, the distant scent of pastries carried from the festival, and the lingering memory of Sean’s hand in mine.
“I’m not that guy anymore,” I repeated.
And this time… I almost believed it.
I decided not to return to the bakery. I texted Rafael, and he replied it was a good idea. I’d scared a man today. Scared Sean. Scared myself.
I didn’t need to be behind that counter right now. Not with my hands still shaking from the fury I’d barely leashed. So I walked home.
Every step felt heavier than the last, like I was dragging a hundred-pound weight chained to my chest. My boots scuffed gravel. My bear still paced behind my ribs, agitated, unsettled.
I told myself I was walking away for everyone’s sake, that it was the right call. But it still felt like failure. By the time I unlocked my door, the silence was already closing in.
I didn’t turn on the lights. Just sat on the couch and stared at the wall, arms resting on my knees, trying to breathe through the storm in my chest. I hadn’t shifted, but gods, I’d come so close.
Too close.
I’d sworn I’d never let myself become that man again. The one my father shaped with fists and fear. The one who used his strength as a weapon because it was all he’d ever known.
A knock startled me out of the spiral.
