No matter how the loneliness claws at night until the world blurs, and I try to conceal it to the best of my ability, the pulse of this place tethers me to something larger than myself. Anne has labeled me self-sabotaging, to which I reply with a “Can you blame me?” Thankfully, she reminds me each day that tomorrow will be a better day.
But tomorrow and the next tomorrow aren’t any better; Joe and Liam are gone—one dead and one as good as dead.
Until tonight particularly runs my blood cold.
“Do you know how to play poker?” Mimi inquires as we’re sitting in the red velvet booth from Maggy’s lounge. She practically whispers as Artemis and Anne mingle with another group of girls who have just walked in. Clem being one of them, and I wave at her. The downside of knowing every other native in this village is that you can’t outrun anyone. Luckily, she’s one of the good ones.
I bring back my focus back to Mimi. “No, I don’t. Why are you asking?” I frown, cold sweat curls on my forehead as I force a relaxed posture.
“I’m getting into it. I was just curious.”
“Are there tournaments? Where do you play?” I ask, and she laughs.
“Not here. Maybe in Cannes.” She shrugs. “Around here, it’s mostly private games. Parties. Villas. Yachts. You have to know the right people.”
“Is that legal?” I push.
“Babe.” She snorts. “Half the people in this village do whatever they want and treat the law like an option. Especially in the summer.”
I chuckle along, but the humor quickly leaves my body as the briefcase, the money and chips under Joe’s bed gnaw at me, like pieces of a puzzle I’m not supposed to touch. Despite all the warnings nesting in my brain, I am too stubborn to wait for a truth to find me. I’ll find it myself.
Clem chimes in and sits next to me, snapping me out of my thoughts. “You girls should come to the Capitainerie and see all the boats come in and out for the race.”
“I’m sure it’s so beautiful from up there! What do you even do all day?” I ask her, smiling at the offer. It would be spectacular sitting inside that tower, right across from the lighthouse, but I have too much keeping me from wanting more these days.
“I’m in charge of letting the boats in and out, tell them where to dock. I monitor the cameras and the village lights by the lighthouse. It’s so fun to see the village lighten up! It’s beautiful up there. I get to read my book and stare at the sea…Come whenever.”
“I’ll bring my book and sit with you on your next shift.” Mimi says, and I nod at the sound of it, as we all drift back into conversations, but my brain is focalized on the poker games.
Walking back from Maggy’s lounge, my heels click against ancient cobblestones. I smile to myself at how messed up my life is.
Then I feel something…
My smile fades, as it always does…
I feel the weight of someone's gaze, heavy as a dead animal’s fur on my shoulders. It makes me spin so fast, my ankles twist in my heels, and I nearly topple over. The street stands empty, but I stop and wait. I won’t grant the satisfaction of hunting me.
My eyes focus on a movement that slips into the alley beside the Two Brothers Bakery. Before I can blink and take a few steps towards the now forgotten shadow, only the lingering scent of cologne remains. Why I keep my feet moving around the corner is beyond me, but as I step onto the road that curves toward the sea, headlights brutally illuminate me with their harsh white beam.
It’s just a parked car, not a predator’s engine growling low.
I've lost so much sleep my brain is pulling tricks, conjuring phantoms from grief and exhaustion, but someone with a familiar gait is in the driver’s seat. I squint against the blinding glare, and as if they can read my mind, the tires shriek, the vehicle lunging forward with such violence I stumble backward, and the rush of air whips my hair across my face as it roars past.
A few afternoons later, I find myself in Mimi’s room. She sprawls across her bed, incense curling from her dresser. Her black hair splayed, and her blue eyes meet mine when I ask her to tell me more about the poker games. She knows I’m here to ask questions I have no business asking, but she shouldn’t have talked about it if she didn’t want them.
I sit on the edge of her bed, waiting for her to either shut this down or throw me a bone.
Her smirk deepens, almost deviant. “What, you want in?”
“I’m serious, Mimi.”
She rolls onto her side, eyes narrowing, and her lips quirk with something darker.
“Yeah. I’ve heard things, but they’re not exactly poker games, Sara. They’re invitations with high stakes on yachts. If you don’t get an invitation twenty-four hours before, there’s no way to get on that boat.”
The words lodge in my chest. “And… what happens there?”
Mimi’s expression shifts, the smirk dimming. “What happens depends on who wins.”
