“I… not yet, baby…” He brushes his lips against mine, and my heart sinks at his answer.
I don’t know if it’s our age difference, or something else. The age difference is barely a hurdle in my humble opinion. I will be nineteen in three months, and he is twenty-five. People easily judge what they don’t understand, blind to the fact that I already measured and accepted the consequences, but reputation corrodes faster than a life lived unapologetically. Meanwhile, few feel remorseful for how quickly I was forced to grow up. Since I’ve known him, he’s taken away the darkness of grief that no man of my age would understand the weight of my heavy baggage that clings to me like a shadow.
“Are you hungry? We could go into town and grab something to eat.”
I shake my head at his offer, suddenly shy and feeling rejected. He doesn’t push, and that’s the worst part.
“Okay, there’s coffee and fruit in the kitchen if you want any,” he offers letting me go, and I swim towards the stairs to make my way out of the pool.
“Hey.” His voice going soft. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”
Are men always this oblivious?
I look over my shoulder at him. “I just feel you’re keeping some stuff from me,” I say hesitantly, and I sense an intensity that I haven’t felt before.
“I think…” He swims towards the edge of the pool, swiping his tongue over his teeth and looks up at me. “Are you sure you’re ready for everything I want to take from you?”My stomach tightens. He says it casually, but the question feels anything but.
I’m soaking wet, standing on the edge of his pool. His eyes deepen to a stormy shade as they linger on me, making me hyper-aware of every droplet of water caressing my sun-kissed skin, wishing they were his warm hands. Then, his expression shifts even deeper.
He grabs the edge of the pool and lifts himself up, and the mere sight of his arms flexing makes the ground feel unstable. He slowly towers over me, his hand grazing my waist.
“Because if we do this, I want all of you, Sara. I’ve spent five months learning everything about you, and I haven’t gotten nearly enough.”
My mouth suddenly goes dry, and my mind is begging for my breathing to calm down.
“I’m…” is the only thing I manage, clearing my throat when his finger brushes my lips, silencing me from words I don’t have, and he walks away towards the chairs.
Holy shit.
He goes to grab his phone, changing the song to Got You (Where I Want You) By The Flys. His blond hair and body are backlit by the sun, every muscle outlined and impossibly golden,revealing his large, triangular Buddha tattoo in the middle of his shoulder blades. For a second, he belongs to some other world.
“Have you thought about what you want to do when you graduate? It’s soon, isn’t it?” he asks, looking at his phone as if he’s afraid of my answer.
“Yes, a few more weeks. I applied to Paris University, but everything depends on…” I blurt out, taking a step toward him, the words wanting to reveal truths I still chase away at night.
“Depends on what?”
“I guess on what would make me want to stay.”
“And what would that be?”
I take another step closer and place my hand on his back, craving to see his eyes. “You…”
He peeks at me with a challenge, pushing his hair back.
“You should go, Sara. All I’d do is hold you back.”
I want to touch his handsome face, force him to see the way I see him, but I keep my hands to myself.
“Then hold me back,” I say in simple words, hoping for complicated promises.
I’m about to say more, but my chest restricts. He closes the gap between us, his fingers slowly grabbing my waist like matches on fire burning my flesh, and for a second, I think he’s going to kiss me, but he stops, inches away, stares deeply into me with his bright blue eyes as if this is no joking matter and whispers into my ear, “I want you to be sure. That you want this, me, us… all of it.”
My hand reaches up, brushing his cheek. His skin is both soft and rough, and he leans, moving closer to my neck. His breath makes my skin tingle. My hands travel all over his chest, and I get so lost in the emotion that I forget to answer him.
“Say it,” he asks again in a chill-inducing tone.
My lips hover near his. “I’ve never been more certain.”
