As we approach the wrought-iron gates, my steps falter.
The cemetery stands before us.
I haven’t been here since the funeral. I used to visit my brother more often, but life’s been unpredictable, clearly.
Each gravestone tells a story, decorated with bouquets and mementos and the air here feels heavier, suspended in time as we walk along the path. My chest tightens, clutching the two fresh bouquets from the market. I hate flowers for the dead, but I wanted to be a hypocrite and ease my pain.
Joe’s grave appears at my feet. My hand flies to my throat, then to my heart. Tears fill my eyes as emotions crash through me like a storm that never will cease. I can’t breathe, the weight of everything crushes my chest as seeing his name in cold stone strikes me. It electrifies me. I didn’t even expect to feel this way, but it’s strikingly difficult to stand here.
“Max,” I choke out, wiping furiously at my cheeks. “Can you… give me some space? Just for a few minutes?”
His expression remains stoic, professional, but I catch sympathy in his eyes. “I need to stay where I can see you, Miss Delacroix,” he replies gently. “But I’ll step back.”
He retreats several yards, leaning against a nearby tree with a clear view but enough distance to give me the illusion of privacy.
I sink to my knees on the damp earth before Joe’s headstone, tracing his engraved name. The marble feels cool beneath my touch.
“Hey, Joe,” I whisper. “I’ve thought about that night every day since you’ve been gone. That moment when you were walking and I… stood there, watching you. I watched you for too many minutes that I can’t ever take back, and it feels like I’m stuck on an eternal cursed loop.”
The wind rustles through my hair and the trees, carrying the scent of salt from the distant Mediterranean. I place the bouquet gently against his headstone, watching as petals break free and dance away on the breeze.
“I'm so sorry, Joe. I'm so sorry I didn't follow you, that I didn't call out your name.” My fingers trace the date engraved in cold marble.
“I keep dreaming about a different version of that night, one where I had the courage to reach for you, to ask what you wanted to tell me. In these dreams, I listen, I hold you, and whatever burdens you as you speak is what saves you. It’s what keeps you alive.” I break. “I can’t believe watching you walk away is the last time I’ll ever get to see you again in my mind. I will always cherish the love I have for you, Joe, because you are imprinted in my heart.”
I place a kiss on my fingertips, then press them to his name. “I hope wherever you are, you know how much I loved you. Howmuch I still love you, and I’m going to be okay Joe, but I need to ask you for forgiveness—”
A sound behind me breaks the moment. I turn to see Max with his phone pressed to his ear, his expression shifting from neutral to concerned. He catches my eye and holds up a finger, signaling he'll be just a moment. I wipe my tears with the back of my hand, watching as he speaks in hushed tones.
When he comes back, his posture is stiffer than before. “Miss Delacroix, that was Liam. He needs me to join him immediately.”
My stomach drops. “O-oh, is everything okay?”
“He didn't provide details but assured me it's under control.” Max's eyes scan the cemetery perimeter. “Another security is already on their way and should be here any minute. I’ll wait.”
“No, no, Max, please go ahead. If he sounded like he needs you, please go.”
“I can’t do that,” he says with a military tone.
“Oh, for the love of God, Max, I’ll be fine! I need to be alone. Just a minute. Someone’s coming, they’ll be here by the time you step out of this cemetery.”
He nods hesitantly and walks away.
I finally take a breath, my head falling back as I stare at the the angry sky, and I am relieved by the peaceful moment of solitude. I desperately need to get things off my chest.
I hear the car drive away, and I continue my confession, “Where was I…It’s been quite chaotic since you left us by the way…” I smile through teary eyes.
“I miss your smile, and your laugh. I don’t know if you’d be happy to know that I’ve fallen in love again, Joe. Would you? Some days it feels unfair that we will never be able to write our story.”
I pause, as I hear another car drive through the gravel, not bothering to turn back, holding onto the last truths and minutes alone I need to pour out of my heart to rise from my own ashes.
“I hope you would understand that I needed to move forward, that finding someone else doesn't erase what we had… Shit, Joe, it w-would n-ever erase what we had. I-I m-miss you s-so much.” My voice breaks as I run my fingers through the blades of grass beside his headstone. “I will always carry you with me. Please forgive me.”
The car door slams shut behind me. I don't turn right away, wanting to finish my goodbye, to have this moment of closure. I dig my fingers into the grass, wiping away fresh tears with my other hand.
“Forgive me for falling in love with your—”
Steps crunch on the gravel path, getting closer.
