I nearly spit out my burger. ‘You weren’t supposed to read that!’
He looks me straight in the eye. ‘I was always going to read it. It’s not every day that you get scored on your performance.’
My cheeks grow hotter the longer he stares at me and I start to remember how it felt when he pinned me against his door.
‘The rating wasn’t for the sex; it was for the date as a whole. I would never try to rate something so intimate,’ I say.
‘Yeah, whatever. But for the record, I had a nine-out-of-ten night too. Inallaspects.’ He stresses the last part.
Our eyes meet, and we relish in our past moment and the lack of awkwardness between us now. This is nice. He is nice. Honestly, I commend him for being a good sport about this whole thing. He turns back to the grill, flipping a couple more burgers and holding out his hand for his beer bottle. Our fingers brush as I pass it and I feel a small spark of electricity, not lust-filled or fluttery. I’m drawn to him in a new way... as a friend, maybe? Or, at least, someone I can trust in this house of hell.
‘Can I be honest?’ I ask.
My words shake slightly at the thought of repeating the confession I made in Verona, but he immediately quells my nerves with a nod of support. I smile softly and gather my thoughts once again.
‘Back in Milan, when Noah got the call from El, I realised . . . well, I guess . . . I’ve been feeling . . .’
‘Am, we need you!’ Noah yells, interrupting us as he strides over with open arms. ‘Can’t hide in a corner all night. I haven’tstopped talking about you and now everyone’s dying to meet the famous Amorie Grant of theNew Traveller.’
He reaches over to grab my hand, but Sam’s arm juts across his path and scoops my palm into his first. ‘She isn’t hiding – we’re just busy catching up,’ he says. ‘Could you give us a moment, actually?’
Noah freezes, dumbfounded as his eyes dart back and forth between Sam and me. He stops eventually, homing in on my face for any signs of distress. His whole demeanour has shifted into something uncharacteristically possessive.
‘I haven’t seen you either,’ he says.
He follows it with a cheeky smile to keep the whole thing light-hearted, but I can spot a desperate power play from a mile off. I’ve been yearning to exert one of my own since I first saw him with El. He looks so jealous, but he can’t be – not of me and Sam. Especially while he’s so clearly and openly with El. I feel a flutter at the thought of him jealous, but I swiftly kill it. I can’t go there. I’ll just get myself hurt again.
I squeeze onto Sam’s hand tighter.
‘I’ll be over in a bit, when me and Sam are done talking,’ I say to reassure him.
I feel a small tremor in my voice as I start, but I smooth it as I go. Noah’s not scary and I’m not scared.
His face drops instantly, features sinking to reveal a discontent I’ve never seen in him before. It makes my heart lurch, but I take a deep breath and stand firm. I can’t do this with him. He has El. It’s not good for me.
He doesn’t say anything else – just shakes off his forlorn face and replaces it with an empty smile, before turning on his heel and joining the rest of the party in the distance. Sam and I stay silent, waiting for his footsteps to fade into nothingness. The second they do, Sam drops my hand and sucks in air through his teeth.
‘That was brutal,’ he says.
My stomach flutters. ‘You think?’
‘Yeah, but needed. He can’t have his cake and eat it too,’ he tuts.
‘He’s not like that.’ I cross my arms over my chest and suddenly feel an overwhelming compulsion to defend Noah’s honour.I’mthe one with a crush on him; he is just going about his life, making friends and hanging out with the real girl he likes.
A wave of nausea washes through me at the reminder of him and El,the real girl he likes. It was never me. It will never be me. We were just two strangers who found each other and made semi-decent friends.
I can make out Sam mumbling something in response, his voice a dull muffle that fades into the background. I can’t focus. All I can hear are waves against my ears. Waves of shame, waves of sadness. What am I doing here?
‘So, do you have space in your room for two, then? I just figure, if El was trying to put me in there anyway...’ I say.
Sam stops in his tracks, dashing the spatula to the side so he can make sure he’s taking my words in correctly. His eyes scan me over, at first light and confused, but they deepen the longer he reads me. I keep my face firm, resolute. I meant exactly what I implied and I need him to understand that.
‘Just to sleep?’ he asks.
I shrug. ‘Never say never.’
He snickers in response, shaking his head and failing to keep composure. ‘I didn’t think you’d be the rebound sex type.’ He throws a suggestive raised eyebrow my way.
